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What would you do(this is difficult)?

Okay to make a long story short. My dad was placed on dialysis last January and I'm the only one who can take him out of everyone in my family(including 4 other siblings). I'm very tired because I have three kids to get off to school starting at 6am. My dad's dialysis schedule is 10am until 2pm. This schedule is fine because I have all the kids off to school by then, but sometimes my parents cancel his usual scheduled time, and then they set up another time for 5am. My mom does not consult me to see if it is okay, she just schedule it, then tell me out of the blue. It infuriates me that she is that selfish to think I have to jump out of bed at 5am, take my dad to dialysis, then run back home to get my kids off to school. I told her last night that my dad need to stay on his scheduled time which is at 10am. She states that he will drive and make it back the best way he can(a guilt trip). What should I do? Am I being selfish?

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on Sep. 12, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • Not at all- this should not b put soley on your shoulders. Can he get other transportation paid for as a medical expense. Check local services/including the local bus service that goes door to door (if you have it) If you get run down, then you cant take care of your own children or your father either. Others need to step up or keep the schedule which is most conventient for you.

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 10:53 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Stick to your guns. Don't let the guilt trip work on you. You are most generous to help out when it's at 10 AM. Can you deal directly with the dialysis center for scheduling since you provide the transportation? Aren't there some agencies that will help with this? Ask at the dialysis center. I wish you all the best.

    Answer by elizabr at 10:53 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • No way are you being selfish. There are agencies to help out with things like this too. And if he had one of the agencies helping to get him to appts they would need more notice of a changed time. You are going above and beyond so tell your mom how it is. Either keep the 10 time slot or find someone else to help out.

    Answer by treynlisa at 10:56 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • I would tell your mom to get it together, and they need to stick to the scheduled time. Its not fair that you have to do this, and get your kids off to school. They need to stick to the 10am-2pm so you'll be able to get your kids off. No I don't think you're being selfish, but your parents are. When your mom cancels the appointment, then she need to figure out what to do to get your dad there. You help him when he's on his usual schedule, not when he breaks it. I don't blame you, and I wouldn't do it either.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 10:56 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • i would politly let her know that this is a favor you do for them and that she needs to respect your time. and that you wont be able to do this at 5am anymore. you are a mom and in a moms life the kids come first. even when we have sick parents. my kids come before anyone! even my husband. dont stress yourself out, tell her you want to help but it has to be his original appointments, and dont feel bad with the guilt trips either.

    Answer by cassie_m at 11:03 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • I agree with everyone else, and call RADAR. They can pick him up too, and he won't cancel with them because they won't tolerate it. Your parents are very selfish to put this all on you and they have other kids. I commend you, and take our advice. Put your foot down and make them respect your time. Your kids come first, and should you get sick from being tired, do you think your family will take care of your kids? I don't think so, family can be very selfish at times.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 11:08 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • What are the reasonings for the reschedule? And I would tell them your reasonings for your request. Also talk to your Dad about it, see what his thoughts are on it all. Is this his doing or Mom's doing? Are they having trouble adjusting to this need? How do your parents get around other wise, and remind them they have 3 other kids they can call for the 5 am one? Maybe one of them can take him and you just go pick him up after the kids are at school. That way it is a family affair. Also let your Dad know that you want to be there and help them and why, so he doesn't begin to feel like a burden and get depressed. Especially if he is a proud man, my Dad would not take any of this well and just say screw and refuse treatment.

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 11:29 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Also there is a Medicare transport service, talk to the treatment facility they would have transport resources and if it still not working there are Social Worker that could come out and help to adjust to all this.

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 11:31 AM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • um... no she's wrong and esp. when she does not tell you before hand... let her know in NO UNCERTAIN terms that while you are willing to do the 10 AM you WILL NOT do the 5 AM's and they need to give you 24 hrs notice b/f resched. and hand her a list of alternative transportation modes including STS, taxi's, bus routes etc.
    Why can't mom and/or siblings also help provide transportation???
    I would also talk to siblings and let them know that you can't do the 5 AM especially when you are not even told beforehand and that you have let mom know and given her a list and alt. means of transportation...
    and talk to dad too

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 4:27 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

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