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Am I crazy?

Okay, Facebook is a wonderful site to keep up with old friends. My husband has 3 people on his site. Two females from high school and me. Yes, I know he has been out of HS for 20 years, but the first girl he had sex with is one of the three and is right next to me on the f***ing page! Am I crazy to be enraged by this. He claims they have remained friends for all this time. How F'en sweet! NOT! Yes, I need to vent.


Asked by wmbeener at 9:06 AM on Oct. 16, 2008 in Relationships

Level 30 (44,438 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • If I were you then I would feel the same way. I'm not a very jealous person but my man and I have limits on friends of the opposite sex. But it's always a good idea to calm down before talking to him. Even if a person is in the wrong, when you approach them aggresively they are going to get defensive and react aggressively. It's just a suggestion and I hope everything works out for you. Good Luck!

    Answer by Shulizboo at 12:25 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • I'm a really jelous person so I can understand what you're feeling. I'd be jelous too but a lot of people do keep in contact with people they went to school with and even had past relationships with with nothing happening between them in conversations or in person that's worry material. Does he talk to them in front of you? Is she married? Do they still live in the same city/state? Did she do the search for him or him for her? You can look at it in different ways... he could've not told you anything about it, used a different email address, different name etc... I searched for a lot of my old classmates, but with most females, they've married so I don't know their last names so it's easier to find guys that were in school with me so it could look pretty bad if my hubby was a jelous man (never had sex with people on my friends list tho even tho he's never asked).

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:30 AM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • Yes, she is married and yes they still live in the same state, he even went to her wedding while he and I were dating I think I was busy or made myself busy in order not to go to her wedding. I just think it is a double standard. I still think my first was wonderful to me he was just stupid I knew I could not have made a life with him, I know how to find him, but don't. I know how jelous my husband is of people in my past and he has asked my not to try and contact them it hurts him. So why can he not see that it hurts me too. He just tries to tell me it is different b/c they have been friends for so long. Well I'm as close to 40 as he is, so no the time length is not the same, but I have been nothing but friends with my first since I met my husband, but I don't have contact with him. I'm enraged. Thanks for your thoughts

    Answer by wmbeener at 9:44 AM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • Personally I would not go for it...

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 AM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • yeah still pissed, but I have not checked to see if he fixed the problem. I sent him an email telling him it would be in his best interest to just send her a nice email or message saying in the interest of his marriage they no longer need to have any contact.
    If he still thinks I'm just over reacting, then he will really get to see me over react and so will she and anyone who can see their sites. And it will be hell for my husband to live with me if he does not want to fix the problem. I have two kids, thats enough for now and I know how to play with toys if I drive him away, oh well. I feel it is about respect and I deserve it too.

    Answer by wmbeener at 9:51 AM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • I can relate. When me and my husband started dating I was still good friends with my ex. We were actually better friends than we were in a relationship. I didn't want my bf having contact with his recently broken up gf. As a result he asked me to stop hanging out with my ex. It was hard to let him go from my life, especially when he was only my bf. Now we are married and I always wish I had stayed friends with my ex, but in the big picture I'm glad I married my bf and it was a small sacrafice for the sake of my relationship.
    Your husband should not have this friendship, regardless of long they have been friends or what their current situation is. Clearly it is hurting your relationship with him.

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 10:37 AM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • I can understand u being a little upset, but as far as being jealous, I don't think I would b. Has he ever cheated? Has he ever given u ne signs that he mite b? Does he tell other women (friends, co-workers about u? If he does, then I wouldn't worry about it. My husband has a myspace & yahoo messenger & I've never had 2. It's when he starts not telling other women about u that u have 2 worry. Good luck!!!

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 10:41 AM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • To be honest i'd be pretty pissed. He's being pretty hypocritical, and also you should look at it from this point of view you're married to him you're the one who has him it's normal to be defensive of your mate. I'm the same way but don't attack him with the question just tell him how you feel about it in a nice way. If he dosen't get the hint to understand where you're coming from than he's a bit full of himself. You both wear the pants so get a point across if he dosen't want to listen to your feelings.

    Answer by sariita at 1:31 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • thank you all for your thoughts and reminders. yes, I am crazy, I've known it for a while and my husband only adds to it. He listened to me and got ride of the page not just her as a friend. I'm not sure that he has given up the friendship, but damn, don't contact her in front of me! We've been together for 12 years and married for almost 8. It takes an attitude to get his attention sometimes. He claims it's been a lasting friendship and that it was the first time in almost 10 years that he had heard from her, but I think it is one friend ship that should not continue. I have given him the respect to no longer be friends with or contact my ex's, I want the same respect. I hope he gets the big picture.
    Once again thank you to all it was hard to pick the best answer they were all great!

    Answer by wmbeener at 3:24 PM on Oct. 16, 2008