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Does anyone ever feel like GOOD roomates with their SPOUSE? Or is it just me!!!

We're going thru the biggest challenge right now in our 10 year partnership. He and I never really got married just living together and have two small kids. Daughter who is 3.5, and son who's 16mths. Before he was born we were actually planning our wedding...and I had just put down a 1000$ deposit and found out like a week later I was pregnant!!!! Imagin that!!! Getting ready for one event in your life, to find that another was on it's way!!! Just seems like during the pregnacy him and I took a turn for the worse and he and I didn't enjoy it this time around..and again once he was born it felt stressful and we both were at each other all the time. He had alot of colic! So that didn't help either. I mean we're not talking to eachother about anything related to our future, when I bring it up he avoids it!!! Completely says he doesn't know the future!!! I'm like what happened to making plans??? feeling lost in our life!

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logankaysmomi

Asked by logankaysmomi at 3:29 PM on Sep. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (41 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Well, that's pretty typical, married or not. As parents, your life has changed from, "me", "you and I", etc. Everything is now "us". Sometimes there is a little more stability with people who are married, because you have pledged your love and devotion, for better or worse. It's all on how people interpret that, however. When we had children, married, we knew we were in "it" for the long haul. I would suggest you have a long talk about what you both want out of this.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 3:33 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • yes thats exactly how i feel, i been married 8 years and for the past 4 yrs we dont sleep in the same bed always, dont eat together, divide up bills, and we know nothing about each other anymore....once i finish school im leaving, i feel like a single mom as it is so might as well be one.
    gothmama91

    Answer by gothmama91 at 3:41 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • A lot of couples go thru these feelings esp when you get caught up in the day to day crap! Ask him to do couples counseling with or w/out you! You can then decide if you still have a future or not. Good luck to all of you. I hope you can make it work. I always hate to see familes split up if it can be avoided.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 3:53 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Alot of people go through this and you had kids before you were married so maybe there's that stress weighing on you both. I'd try couples counseling to see if it can work maybe there are just a few things eating at both of you that you don't know about. But yeah some days I just feel like we have a room mate situattion dh has comments on this before also
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 3:57 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • my husband and i are going through hell anticipating our son's birth. we went from best friends to strangers or enemies. it has been very stressful. no one ever knows the future - it's not about being psychic it's about intention - what he is wanting and what he is willing to do. what he's saying indicates he is confused... i know my husband is stressed to the max, as am i. seems like we're not going to make it through this but i'm trying to keep hope and do my part. my husband is resistant to counseling, but maybe yours isn't. good luck.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 7:02 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Ya I have had that feeling
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 11:04 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • know the feeling, i want to move on but not in the postion to do so at the moment or i would, you care about him but you don't love him anymore, been 10yr and not talking about the future, maybe there isn't one there anymore, sorry to say, ask him straight out what happen to us? where are we headed from here?
    tamithy

    Answer by tamithy at 11:39 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • sad part is I have asked him and over and over I get the same reactions from him almost like he doesn't think that's there's anything that serious wrong with us. Even though him and I haven't shared a bed in going on 5 years our daughter took that over and we didn't want to sleep with her anymore..so again we're sleeping apart. And, now it's me giving all my attention to the kids at night and what not...so I don't ever really sleep!!!! But to be fair in all this we're still living in that one bedroom apt that we found together when we were just "us" it's not working anymore for me..and he's not willing to leave!!!! It's been 5 years here with one kid, and now we have two...so do the math there's no room in here for us to even have a bed together..and we could all do the one room thing but that doesn't work when your constantly fighting, and avoiding eachother.
    logankaysmomi

    Comment by logankaysmomi (original poster) at 9:07 AM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Update, well I have tried to talk to him about life and where things are headed. I always get the same response. We're just fighting about everything..we're not working together to deal/parent the children..it's always she gets what she wants..and he is the bad one. I just hate that it always feels we're butting heads about how we're raising them etc...it's beyond exhausting...and then once they are in bed we go onto ignoring eachother. It's been forever like this and it's just life living with a roomate. Forget wanting to have sex!!! I don't find him attractive anymore...and I'm sure he's the same way with me. I just feel like you who've been there that he's a stranger now..and he doesn't do the "work" to make keep this going. And he's been draggin his heels about finding another place....GRRRRRRRR I feel like just leaving him. I mean I would get my own bed! And, not having to fight him with everything would be nice!!!
    logankaysmomi

    Comment by logankaysmomi (original poster) at 9:16 AM on Feb. 8, 2011

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