Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

How to break up?

Okay I have been dating my bf and the father of my daughger who is 1 for 3 years, but for about 6 or so months i just dont feel connceted with him and i think i want to break up but he says that if i break up with him he will kill himself or take my daughter away from me, what is the best way to break up with him?

Answer Question
 
QueenMandy

Asked by QueenMandy at 3:38 PM on Sep. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (12 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Maybe some couple's counseling. If for anything, to give him someone to talk to about his mental health issues. He sounds a bit unstable. Can you stay w/ friends/family for a while until you figure out what you want to do? Good luck
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 3:41 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • He sounds unstable, I think it's best if you do break up with him. If nothing else you have tried has worked. He is just trying to guilt you into staying with him. People who say they are going to kill themselves RARELY ever do it. It's always the people that you had no idea there was something wrong that end up doing it.
    Misteh

    Answer by Misteh at 3:45 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Find a place to go and be moved out of the house when you break it off. Start fresh if need be. Do not deny your child and him the right to see each other, whether it's joint custody or supervised visits. Change custody in a public place and do not invite him over. He sounds a little loopy.
    BluDog

    Answer by BluDog at 3:52 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • He cannot take your daughter away from you if your not married..you see when a baby is born out of wed lock it becomes the mothers child and the father has to go to court to establish his rights also if you are the primary caregiver that is also going to be looked at by the judge so is the stability of the father. Do not even bat an eyelash about who will have custody first and foremost that is your child.
    The suicide thing is a 50/50 thing he could mean it or maybe not. Now yo break up with a guy who might consider is a tougher situation and maybe you want to call a suicide hotline and ask them how to break up with a guy that might kill himself, they will know the answers.
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 4:01 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • If you really want to end it with him then I would suggest you make a 'game plan' first and get everything in place before you tell him. I would suggest you talk to a lawyer about custody and child support and ask if he can have supervised visits only with the child. I would also tell the lawyer that he has threatened bodily harm if you leave him. I would also look for a safe place to go and have mine and my childs things packed and ready to go. If you do fear him then I would have other people around (family/friends) when I broke up with him, or I would ask for a police officer to be present. I would NOT let your bf try to trap you or guilt you into staying by saying "I will kill myself"-- if he says that you can call the police and say he has made threats and they can take him to the hospital and put him under suicide watch. I wish you luck and hope everything works out for you!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 4:05 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Uh, sweetheart, threats to do harm to ones' self or to take your children away should you leave is a HUGE sign of abuse. It is bullshit manipulation and that becomes dangerous REAL quick. You need to get the hell out. NOW. Do not worry about his feelings or sparing them. He needs help.

    Also, he CANNOT take your daughter away from you. She was born out of wedlock and you are not married, so automatically her guardianship goes to you. He could try to contest it in court, but considering the threats of suicide he has made, he has about a snowball's chance in hell of actually getting custody. Not to mention he would have to prove that you're unfit as a mother, which I highly doubt is the case.

    Pack your shit and get the hell out before this gets worse. Call the nearby mental facility and make them aware of his threats of suicide as well. He cannot do this to you. It is quite harmful to you and your daughter.
    PaganMommy04

    Answer by PaganMommy04 at 5:27 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Oh, and by the way, most people that are actually SERIOUS about suicide don't go announcing it. The ones that do are either A: wanting attention, B: Wanting to keep you under foot (such as in this case) or C: Is a serious cry for help lest they actually gain the courage to do it.

    The suicides that actually happen are usually the ones that you DON'T see coming. They don't announce it. They don't want to be stopped. Do you understand?

    True, over all, as Bludog said, there is still over all a 50/50 chance that he could be serious. But you also have to look after your own safety and the safety of your daughter. As cruel as it sounds, better you leave and get you and your daughter to safety and he dies than for you to stay and risk subjecting yourself further to his insanity, which could turn very dangerous.
    PaganMommy04

    Answer by PaganMommy04 at 5:36 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • Oh shoot, I must correct myself. It was WheresTheWayOut who made the comment initially about the 50/50 chance, not BluDog
    PaganMommy04

    Answer by PaganMommy04 at 5:54 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • his behavior is controlling and manipulative. he is just saying this crap to scare you (and really even if he means either one, is this a reason to stay - sounds like more of a reason to leave). most people who say that to manipulate a situation don't mean it - those that are truly suicidal and do give warning (cry for help) do so at times other than just when they are trying to gain something. and if he does do that it's totally on him. as for taking your daughter, legally protect yourself and request supervised visitation through the court so he can't take her - let them know about this threats, have him psychologically evaluated as a condition of visitation. it would be different if he said i really want to work on our relationship and for us to be a family - i might say think about it, but that is not what's happening.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 6:54 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • he sounds like he has issues. i've known guys who say that to women to get them to stay in a relationship. so they do but the man doesn't want to make the relationship work. he can't take your daughter away from you. especially since it seems he has issues. you need to leave him. it's not safe or healthy for you or your daughter to be around him anymore. my immature brother says he will kill himself when his gf's dump him. he does it for attention. so don't listen to him. you and your daughter deserve better.
    xavierlogan09

    Answer by xavierlogan09 at 9:46 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN