Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

How can I get my fiance out of his shell and want to go out he never wants to?

We can have a couple thousand dollars and he still don't want to go out to eat anywhere cause he says he don't want people watching him eat come on now no one watches you eat...Also he wont go into a store unless i'm with him so need less to say i'm the one always going shopping going to pay bills and everything else...He don't even answer the phone if someone he knows calls him on my phone cause he don't have one anymore he holds his ears and sings he don't want to hear it....And if someone comes over that he don't know or does know but don't want to see he hides and don't answer he door and he has even hidden in the closet when some people come over and i'm here he is weird if I knew this about him in the past I wouldn't have got with him but its been almost 3 years now and he still does this stuff...What the hell can I do? I'm imbarrest to take him to my familys house all he does is sit there.

Answer Question
 
jessesmama22

Asked by jessesmama22 at 3:42 PM on Sep. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,311 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Was this man traumatized? Has he seen a counselor? This behavior goes beyond shyness. Has he been told he may be autistic or have autistic tendencies? I hope you help him get the help that he needs. Be prepared to take baby steps toward your social goals.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 3:46 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • This would be Asperger's tendencies or severe social anxiety if he gets on some meds he will learn to relax and maybe some therapy as well to find out what is really going on
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • It does sound like he needs help. It might be best to try to get him help before marrying him. Does he, at least, have a job? Best wishes.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 3:57 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • There is nothing you can do. Until he decides he wants to be different, he will remain as he is today. You must decide if you want to live the rest of your life with this or if you want to break it off and look for someone who better shares your zest for living.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:04 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • my husband has pretty high social anxiety and does these types of things on a much smaller level. he feels paranoid alot of the times. he reacts badly when he gets really anxious. he was diagnosed bipolar, but it seems that was a bit off. in your man's case he sounds pretty extreme and as if he could use some professional help (which he will likely resist...). you didn't break him you can't fix him but you can encourage him to see how not normal this is in a way that isn't hurtful.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 6:49 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • I am the EXACT same way and i have severe social anxiety disorder. I won't talk on the phone in front of other people, even order a pizza unless i'm alone. I am also anxious about people watching me eat (even though we know it's irrational). Medication may help, and therapy, but basically people with this disorder....therapy scares the hell out of us. There isn't really anything you can do except urge him to see his dr.
    MissAlisabeth

    Answer by MissAlisabeth at 7:02 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • edited...I have never hidden in the closet to avoid people lol. I will just sit there quietly if i'm uncomfortable though lol.
    MissAlisabeth

    Answer by MissAlisabeth at 7:06 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
How to break up?

Next question overall (Just for Fun)
If You Only Had 15 Minutes

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN