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what's it mean if my separated husband stared at me long n sad at church today?

we were/are passionately in love but he has done so very wrong. he has gone for lots of professional help for drinking and depression on his own. we have a son each and a baby daughter. he says he knows hes lost the best thing that ever happened to him and does love his wife and children and wants the opp to show us the man he truly is. i KNOW i still love him but am living on my own til he better shape up, (like on Grease). I'm not being stupid or naive like i was. what are some pointers on this? could we reconcile someday?


Asked by silverelf at 8:42 PM on Sep. 12, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (3,114 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Sometimes, separations can be a really good thing. It doesn't have to mean divorce. It might encourage him to keep trying to better himself if he knew you'd be waiting when he got done. Also, sometimes marriages are made very much stronger when they have gone through the testings that yours is going through right now. If I were you, I would tell him that I love him but that I just can't live with things the way they were, but if he is willing to keep trying, you will be willing to wait and see how he does.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:50 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • If you are both willing to do the work of course there is a chance. Keep communication open. One piece of advice, don't give in to sex with him. Lots of women fall into that trapIt leads them to let theem come back and nothing really gets solved. It's a great sign he was at church. It's okay to tell him I am still in love with you, I want you back., but I want us whole again first. I hope it all works out for you.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:47 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • sure you can reconcile. Talk to the pastor and work toward that goal if it's what you both want

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:55 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • It may open his eyes to what really means most to him, the booze or you and his child......I agree with what GrnEyedGrandma said.

    Answer by zbee at 8:53 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • if oyu want him back to mabey "date" and go from there. If you have a family together and hes straightened up you two may have a chance, but I agree with the no sex thing- at least until you know hes changed

    Answer by lovmyhubby at 8:53 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • You should also try Alanon its for people with an alcoholic in their lives it helps. GL Momma

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:00 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • If he truely wants to change, and wants to change because he wants to make himself a better person, then i think you could work it out....if he wants to change to get his marriage back it will never work, a person can only change because they want to do it for themselves...

    Answer by BradensMom1026 at 9:08 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • It just means he regrets things, not necessarily enough to be good. However if he does try and can fix things than yes there is a chance for you to reconcile.

    Answer by TessaHoney at 9:29 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • why don't you talk to him and find out?? reconciliation won't happen unless both parties are actively involved.

    Answer by dullscissors at 9:32 PM on Sep. 12, 2010

  • i LOVE these quick answer blogs!! Thank you ALL SOOO much i dont have many/any girlfriends to ask, mom is very distant, coworkers only sometimes but not this kind of stuff. only my sister but she is usually busy or on a diff schedule and we text. you all are so right in different and combining ways. yes i have been emailing his family but had stopped for a few days to think things out.

    Comment by silverelf (original poster) at 9:37 PM on Sep. 12, 2010