Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do you get your 34 yr old son to understand you can't give him money thats for your bills?

Seems the kids think we're a bank! Even though they know we're on a fixed income they want us to give them money. They keep on us or torment us with their words until we give in. Then if we don't have it, they make us feel like its our fault that they don't have moeny to spend. My sister has the same problem. Only her kids go one step further, they break into her home to steal it or take it out of her purse when she's not looking. Its crazy. I know we didn't raise our children to be this way?

Answer Question
 
Prayerpartner

Asked by Prayerpartner at 3:20 AM on Sep. 13, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 20 (10,072 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • TOUCH LOVE honey. you are going to have to CHOOSE to say no , mean no, and not let them manipulate you like this. its a very bad habit that wont be easy to break my folks had to break it in me. i whined, cried, bitched, moaned. they got an answering machine and just didnt answer for a while. i got the hint finally and grew up and stopped asking for handouts.
    BlacksheepSati

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 3:46 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • next time he asks, say something like "i guess i need dont really  that medication/electricity/groceries/etc this month". if they continue to ask, say you cannot afford it. then, dont buy things and show them off to your kids, becasue then they will think you are lying to them

    katiemum

    Answer by katiemum at 4:00 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • If I were on a fixed income (coming up soon) and my child thought I could provide for him to take the option away I would choose to pay all my bills when the check (we'll get one at the beginning of the month) came in and have nothing available to be given/taken from me.

    Good luck.
    tortkey

    Answer by tortkey at 4:17 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • wow. i'm so sorry ! I agree tough love is the best thing you can do. I wouldn't think of doing that to my parents ! that's horrible ! i remember i asked for some financial help years ago and my parents helped out...i was very appreciative....but so upset when i noticed that hubby decided to take time off work because the new furnace was now being paid for ! then he started wanting me to ask for more and more...i refused....and he'd get so angry with me ! people like my ex hubby and obviously your son love to take a mile when they are given an inch ! it's so sad ! best of luck to you....but i do think whether it messes with your relationship or not, you need to take a firm stand....if he is angry and upset with you, for a time, just realize that is fine and when he wants your relationship back, he'll come around....you need to look after you ! Hugs ! don't enable him !
    FXmomTo3

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 5:19 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Just look at them sternly and say NO. We have bills just like you do. Stop answering their calls. Be to busy all the time to talk to them. When they come knocking . Pretend to not be at home.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:52 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Or move out of state. That works well.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:52 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Sit down with all of them together and say 'I am broke.'. You are finacially on your own. As a matter of fact, I need some money. Now, if you all don't have enough money, it is your fault I cannot work for you, you must work for yourself.
    It is worth a try.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 9:03 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • i got after my mom for this one my brothers would call her and ask for money all the time sorry about the cussing but i told her they are grown ass men and if they can make babies then they can get off there butts and make some money he is old enuff he should not be looking at you for money im sorry you have to deal with this i think once the kids get to a sertan age it is time for them to learn that dose not mean you dont love them any less its just tuff love and they will get over it good luck
    devinalexis

    Answer by devinalexis at 9:51 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN