Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

I know I already posted this on a goup.. but for those who are not in my group.. do you feel a suicide is something you have a right to forgive?

Well.. When I was pregnant with my second son my ex-boyfriend/father of the child I was carrying committed suicide a month before my child was born. (not the father of the first)

The other day a friend and I were talking and I said that I forgive him and she quickly intervened and told me I had no right to forgive or not to forgive him... I told her that if anything, I forgive him leaving.. she said.. "but he was not with you".. I responded "no, we were not together in a relationship but we were together as parents. I loved him and didn't want him hurt in any way, his death took a major toll on me, but regardless I forgive him" She kept going over that it was only between God and him.. am I wrong for feeling a sense of he left me? We were only apart for 2 months then.. I saw him the day before he did it... what are your opinions?

Answer Question
 
midnight11287

Asked by midnight11287 at 4:12 AM on Sep. 13, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 12 (870 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • You definitely have a right to find forgiveness in yourself for someone who committed suicide. Their action, be it that of a mentally ill and in pain person, caused you harm, hurt you. as part of YOUR healing process you have every right to choose to forgive and let go.
    BlacksheepSati

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 4:26 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • thank you.. i am really wondering if someone feels like my friend on here... she didn't go into much details on why she felt that way.. she just firmly believed who was I to forgive or not to forgive something that didn't involve me personally.. she said it had nothing to do with me and I had no right.. how does one feel that way?
    midnight11287

    Comment by midnight11287 (original poster) at 4:30 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • she doesnt really understand the pain you were put through by someone who was a part of your life she cannot fathom maybe the anger, betrayal, sorrow, etc you went through. wether he meant to or not he HURT YOU by what he chose to do. I am thinking she has never had something like that even close happen to her.
    BlacksheepSati

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 4:47 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • actually she has.. her brother killed himself.. that is why I am thinking hard on how I am feeling... if she has already been through this.and it has been years for her..and only 2 years for me.. i guess she would know huh? She just made me feel like I was judging him in some way and i feel so guilty over it..
    midnight11287

    Comment by midnight11287 (original poster) at 4:51 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • i am going out on a limb. but to me it sounds like she is simply not DEALING WITH IT. eveyrone grieves i thier own way i suppose. I dont think it is JUDGING him for what he did at all by forgiving him the harm he brought you. that was YOUR PAIN. you have a right to heal as works for you.
    BlacksheepSati

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 5:03 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • its redundant if the person is dead, they aren't around to receive your forgiveness.
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 5:04 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • to zoeyis, so it would be redundant to still hold hatred or unforgiveness? Please.. I am not trying to stat a fight or anything.. but I am just trying to figure it out.. what would you feel in that situation since you feel that way.. really.. like I said not trying to start drama..only learn a bit more..
    midnight11287

    Comment by midnight11287 (original poster) at 5:08 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I do think you are allowed to forgive him. Suicide is the most selfish thing a person could do, IMO, and if it helps you in your grieving process to forgive him, then dont worry about anyone else. There will always be people in your life telling you what to think or do, but if it feels right to you, then no one else opinion matters.
    cassie_kellison

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 5:08 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • i guess yall are right.. maybe I am just being stupid here.. i just feel so guilty now..thank you for your time and answer.. i appreciate them.. i really do..
    midnight11287

    Comment by midnight11287 (original poster) at 5:10 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • zoeys giving forgiveness in this case is about her HEALING and moving forward. OP dont let guilt eat you up. be secure that you are healing in the way that is working for you. your friend should not be judging YOU for how you choose to move on
    BlacksheepSati

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 5:17 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN