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2 Bumps

daughters

i dont get along well with my daughters. my son and i get along great. we are all three sagitaurious if that means anything. my older daughter puts me on the defensive everytime im around here.she text not really to see my but have me watch one of my grandsons while she was there watching my other grandson play. i thought iwas there to watch the game also not babysit. i felt used. my youngest is 19 and pregnant with her second .all she does is yell and scream at me. ifi ask her to pick up things she saids she tired or busy with homework. she goes to a community college. she and her current whatever have made no plans what so ever. i feel like running away. ive tried to encouge her maybe to go to a vocational school where she can learn something in a short period of time. she needs the money to support two kids. how dont know how much more i can take. i lost my husband 11 months ago. so eveything is on me

Answer Question
 
stressedoutgran

Asked by stressedoutgran at 7:19 AM on Sep. 13, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 15 (2,324 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • If it's any consolation my mother and I were the same way when I was that age.......I thought she was stupid and I knew everything. When I got in my mid 20's I realized that maybe she did know some things, I needed her more and more. Now I talk to her at least 2 times a day. I don't know what I would do without her.

    Try to give them some room......they will eventually come around. They need to grow up some more before they can admit to themselves that mom does have a brain.
    Good luck
    colethky

    Answer by colethky at 7:48 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Your daughters sound like they are still on the " hate " thing since they lost their dad. Girls i think have more reserved feelings and seem to show it in this matter, like around other women and this time is you. I wold have a serious talk with the both of them and have them, and bring it all up in the open. They may have somethings that they need to express. For your preg. daughter, i agree on how you flet on getting her out to a smaller college. If she lives at home, you shold give her guide lines to follow on what you will and can do to help her and then what she WILL take care of herself. Its ok to start living again and putting your foot down. I have with my kids several times and I still know they love me.
    Airforce3mom

    Answer by Airforce3mom at 7:56 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Have you looked into grief counseling? esp. for you and the youngest.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 12:58 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I am so sorry hon. Sounds like she needs a wake up call. Daughters with attitudes are very hard to deal with. My daughter is a pain, too & I often feel used. Perhaps they are mad at us & they want to move out, but frustrated that they can't. I wish you luck!
    NicolesMommy

    Answer by NicolesMommy at 2:40 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • There's more to it that what you are telling because a death of a spouse will not cause both children to act this way. And since your youngest is going on her second child, without direction in her life, tells me that somewhere along the way, hard feelings stepped in and it was overlooked with both of your daughters.
    I remember being their ages and wouldn't dare step out of line with my mother. I'm 43 now and I still have that type of respect for her. Get to the root of the problem and work from there...good luck...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:37 PM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • Do you have a job? You need to care for yourself now. Your children need to see you taking care of yourself and supporting yourself and looking forward to life. Right now you do not know which way to turn because you have so much buzzing around in your head. You hardly have time to grieve let alone assume your grown daughter's responsibilities which they seem only to eager to foist off on to you. It is not unusual for sons to get along well with mothers while daughters tend to compare themselves to Mom and take out their own frustrations with their own mistakes on you, the closest whipping boy. Be an example and assert your independence now, not when all the current problems are handled. There will always be new hurdles so get going.
    annabarred

    Answer by annabarred at 2:10 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I know this is hard, I still have a hard time with some things. Stop "encouraging" , they see it as being critical of them. Say I understand you are tired, I'll get it this time if you do it for me next time. My daughter said I need to stop being critical of her every decision. I realized she had to make her own mistakes, just like I did. We get along well now even though she does things I disagree with. I had to grow up with her.
    meandmyshadow

    Answer by meandmyshadow at 4:24 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

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