Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Do I have a right to be upset?

My husband is in the Navy and I am a sahm. He is currently on shore duty, working 7-4 monday thru friday. We keep fighting right now because I am getting upset that he does not help out around the house. He doesn't cook, clean, feed the baby, or change diapers unless I ask and usually I have no nag him to get anything done. We take turns getting to sleep in on the weekends, but on my mornings to sleep in he goes back to bed for 4-5 hours once I get up. I know as a sahm I am responsible for the majority of the housework and taking care of the baby, but I still feel like I should get some time to relax when he gets home. I don't expect him to come home and do everything, but feeding our son or changing his diaper without being asked would be nice. I feel guilty most of time for getting upset at all since he is the only one working but I can't seem to help it. Am I wrong to feel this way?

Answer Question

Asked by Rachael420 at 2:25 PM on Oct. 16, 2008 in Relationships

Level 3 (18 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • You're never wrong for feling a certain way. Your emotions are you own and you are entitled to them. Having said that no I don't it is worng that you would like him to help every once in a while. He's working a normal shift for most people, it's not like he's pulling doubles 6 days a week and you're up his butt about housework. Yes as a housewife the majority of the HOUSEWORK is your responsibilty but last time I checked it took both you to conceive your son, you should both be responsible fo rhis maintenance. Has it ever come up that he just does'nt realize you need his help with the baby? Men can be really obtuse sometimes.

    Answer by tat2edmommyof2 at 2:31 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • No you're not wrong to feel that way. I work full time 8-5. I'm up by 5:30. I also am an herbalife distributor, I have my house clean every day and dinner on the table by 6. I take care of our daughter once I'm at home and sometimes it is alittle overwhelming. I also, two days a week am a wellness coach at our nutriion club. I'm exhausted but even I get a day a week to sleep in. my husband is in the air force and he works the same shift. it never goes away...... even if you are a working mom LOL

    Answer by alaskaice at 2:32 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • No your not wrong to feel this way. You staying home and doin all the cleaning and taking care of the baby is a job in itself. He needs to help you with the baby so you can get a break cause there is only so much you can take without a break before you start breaking down. I know how you feel my ex is in the military and he was the same way.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • no your not. i think it's good for the father to help raise the baby. human touch means so much and if he doesn't feed or change the diaper then there is not enough of that going on. i wish there was something that i could say that would help but i don't have that problem. just tell him that your going to go crazy without more help. also maybe one day you can say your stepping out and then step out all day and have him see how hard it is for him to stay home with the baby. nothing like being in someone elses shoes helps others see their point.

    Answer by melody77 at 2:40 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • I'm with you. I used to work, so I know how exhausting it is but at least when you clock out, you are done. A SAHM is never done. I've been getting frusterated that after he gets off work and I have been cleaning and taking care of our son all day, I still have to make dinner, get our son ready for bed and then clean the kitchen. I plan on talking to him about it this weekend when he is not tired from work and I am not edgy about it so it doesn't turn into a fight. I'm going to ask him to take over certain duties in the evening such as cleaning the kitchen after dinner and cleaning the cat box. I keep the kitchen clean throughout the day, so it's not that bad and he's supposed to be doing the catbox anyways, since I am pregnant.

    Answer by jrb920 at 2:49 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • Your never wrong for feeling any way....They are your feelings....
    Talk to him.....

    Answer by Dannee at 2:53 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • by the way, I think it's completly unfair that he goes back to bed after you get up on your days to sleep in. You don't do that to him, do you? Maybe you should so he knows what that is like.

    Answer by jrb920 at 2:53 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • It's hard when the reaction to you sharing that you'd like help can be dismissed with selfishness and unappreciation. Unfortunately, some men aren't intuitive, they'll help when nagged to and it's sad that we have to be like kids where negative attention is better than none, we have to argue it to get acknowledged then dismissed because we're overreactive. It reeks havoc on the relationship, you may never get anywhere other than feeling silly for having needs and justifying them by 'he has alot of pressure work and all"... it isn't fair that the pressure's you may feel are dismissed. You may not hear it from him so I will tell you - Thank you for all you do. You are the glue that holds it all together. That's alot of pressure on you, but you're doing well. Hang in there.

    Answer by notjustamom380 at 3:08 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • To a man you are nagging and that's irritating. It's the truth, ask any man.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • the oldest complaint in the book and you have just joined the other 10Mil or more sisters that do the same thing everyday. I am sorry the world is like this but for some reason these men think that they work harder then us and so they have the right to "relax". I have given up on my hubby doing house work... but with my hectic life if i hear ONE itsy bitsy complaint from him that i didn't get to dust or sweap the floor blood starts flowing out of my eyes, my finger nails streach out and point in his general direction and i let out this roar that the whole neighborhood hears... see what am saying... do as much as you can, let the rest sit, have fun with your baby...

    Answer by NoshnBasket at 4:20 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.