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what if your mom told you this?

We were in the living room and my mom start asking me if i stil think about what happened to me( her ex boyfriend abused me) and i recently told her that! in one of our fight i just scream to her ,that she never cared about me so that is why her ex boyfriend abused me.. i know i shouldn't tell something like this the way i told her but.. and least she now knows.. mom told me that she didn't have and happy childhood, she told me that bad things really bad things happened to her! I think it was really bad things because she start crying and the way she told me that i think i was probably the first person she told about it, but she didn't told me what really happened and i asked her mom do you want to talk about it? And she told me NO. so i didn't ask her anymore because it seems like she have a past the hunt her but that she never speak about it.! so what i should do now? maybe the way she treat me have something with her past?

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Asked by Sofiah at 11:22 AM on Sep. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (300 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • More than likely you are right, her past has affected her whole life maybe. that buried festering wound from her childhood. If i were you I would concider how you view the past with the compassion of understanding she was trapped in her own hell too. doesnt make it right. but it makes it understandable. you know? maybe the two of you can be sources of comfort for eachother

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 11:25 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Could be. I know my mom didn't have the happiest of childhoods. Her mother treated her (and her twin sister) cruelly, and she will tell you now that she has no love lost for her mother (who's deceased btw). She would tell them things like that she should have drowned them when they were babies (my mother is German, an old German wives tale was the belief that twins brought bad luck). Other things, she would be punished for things that her brothers did. The thing is, my mom never let her upbringing affect the way she raised us. I don't find her parenting skills to be the best (they were rather lacking IMO), however she was never cruel or abusive. It's much the same with me, I don't agree w/ my parents parenting style and so I parent different from them.

    (con't next post)

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 11:36 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • It's for that reason that I don't necessarily agree with the "abused as a child, so abuse my child" theory. I mean I know it's a common occurance, but a person can learn to unmimic the behavior they learned as a child. I knew I didn't want to be like my parents, so I chose not to be, the same with how my mother chose not to be like her mother. If you (speaking in general) were abused as a child, you can fight that urge to be abusive to your own children even if it's the only behavior you were ever taught. I mean that's something that I don't get. If you didn't like being hit, why would you think your child would like it. Again, I'm speaking generally, not at you directly OP.

    As for getting your mom to talk about it, it may just be something she may never be willing to discuss. You can keep trying, maybe it will help her. Maybe she can seek therapy. Talking to a stranger might be easier than talking to family.

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 11:40 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • i would seriously like to see both your and your mom go to counseling together and separately - you have both private and together issues to resolve - and with a professional who is not emotionally attached to either of you - i don't know why she treats you the way she does - and maybe she doesn't either - i hope she kicked that sob of a boyfriend out when she found out that he abused you...

    Answer by kaysimon132461 at 11:41 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • She needs counsaling,
    It sounds like you have moved on.

    Answer by newathis918 at 12:43 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

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