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4 Bumps

custody of child if parents are NOT married

child is three
we are NOT married
I am planning on leaving with our child and moving into my mother's house
my mother lives more than a hour away
i have contacted the new school sysytem, child is in 3k classes for delayed children
I have IEP and placement papers for new school

what kind of issues could i have in future if and when her father files any custody in court?

we live in wisconsin, i have no money for a lawyer (hence to move to moms) also it iwll be good to have some family and friends when we are living in new home

any ideas/suggestions/warnings/thoughts

please, i am nervous about the whole move, i know it is right thing to do for my daughter and me, but still scared


Asked by fiatpax at 11:50 AM on Sep. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Level 46 (221,572 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Make sure that you have a good support system is place with your family, do what is best for yourself and your daughter.

    Good Luck.

    Answer by emerald53197 at 12:09 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • even without any money u can file for custody before he does. U can file under a no income thing and it not cost u anything. He will have rights to the child of course but with u having her in school already it may help u. Most states dont like to take a child from the mother either so that will help you out also. But i would try my best to get a job and such so that the foather cant use that against u. I have been in ur situation and no how hard it is. but if u truely think its the right thing to do then go ahead and go thru with it.

    Answer by tiffany0317 at 11:57 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Well the courts always favor the mother. If your not married most states automatically give the mother custody. You should file first. Every county supplies a waiver for fees in custody cases such as yours. If you are on any kind of state or federal assistance, i.e. food stamps, WIC, insurance, disability for the child, then all you have to do is show it to the clerk. Also, if you are leave for domestic violence reasons the a restraining order would provide custody to you and help with the final custody battle.

    I had to do the same thing 2 years ago here in Oregon so I wish you luck. There should also be a list of lawyers in the county that do probono (free) cases for family law.

    Answer by tiffs2009 at 11:59 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • File for custody before you move (or as a last stop as you leave town.) Do you best to get a job or go back to school. Keep records of everything - how he treats the child (and you if there are threats,) how he reacts to you leaving, of your job search, etc.

    Answer by balagan_imma at 12:01 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I don't know Wisconsin law, but it would depend on a lot of factors. Including if his name is on the birth certificate. If it isn't he will have to prove paternity before he can do anything.

    Answer by mommy11260 at 11:53 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • i dont know what to advise you but HUGS honey

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 11:54 AM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I did this in OR with no laywer. in your move puts you in a new county or state check your states residency laws. In OR you need to live there 6mo for that courts jurisdiction. Otherwise you will need to file in previous area if you dont want 2wait. GL =)

    Answer by Caoimhe_Oona at 12:06 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • You want to file for custody and support before he does! If he files first he could get custody until everything is settled (agreement, mediation, court). It may be as simple as going to the office that takes care of child support and filling out papers. You may need a lawyer. Some lawyers will file to have the father pay your fees. If you have to pay a lawyer then you sell things your have, borrow, whatever to get the money to keep your child!

    Moving an hour away as long as it's in the same state shouldn't be an issue. It's not manditory for a 3 yo to be in school so I don't think that would be an issue. Not all professionals would think a 3 yo "delayed" should be in school and if you decide not to put your child in school I don't think that would be a problem.


    Answer by Gailll at 12:11 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Keep her in the Early Childhood program hon. She's going to need the help. He'll have to sue you for visitation.

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 12:17 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I found the web site with all the info you need. I was able to quickly find the form you would need to file if you were married, you wouldn't need a lawyer. I didn't see a form for an unmarried mom. There probably is one. There are helpful links to find info about what custody means. It says in your state joint legal custody is assumed unless there are specific reasons not to have joint custody such as domestic violence.


    Answer by Gailll at 12:22 PM on Sep. 13, 2010