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What Do i do? Am i wrong?

My dh always takes up for his parents. No matter what it is, he is always on her side. We are currently living with them due to financial matters but are moving out really soon. My FiL is so disrespectful hes also very disrespectful to my mother when she visits me and makes rude comments. His mother also always trys to tell me how to do things! When she doesnt do them herself! I keep the house sparkling clean everyday! They act SO different when my husband isnt there! So when i tell him something he takes up for them! Its getting so frustrating! Im just at the end! I dont want to tell his parents anything because I strongly feel its disrespectful but theres a limit for everyone. I am almost there just what can i do? He always takes up for them against me. I feel like crawling in a whole and just crying. Am i wrong for telling him he always does? I tried explaining it to him but he just got a bit upset... Any advice girls?

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Momie09

Asked by Momie09 at 1:00 PM on Sep. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Level 11 (589 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • confront them in front of him ...and speak up for yourself hopefully in time he will see what they are doing
    babie113

    Answer by babie113 at 1:05 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • How soon are you moving? Can you last that long? If he is only going to get upset with you can you last a little longer? BUT when you are in your new place you need to agree together on what will be allowed in your home. And don't take any crap from his folks. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 1:05 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I would let his parents know, in a nice way, to back off. When your mother goes to visit you, she's there to see you not them, so maybe if you feel somewhat uncomfortable having her there, ask her to go get a cup of coffee with you or to go for a walk around the mall or a store or something. You shouldn't have to put up with rude people no matter who they are. If your husband doesn't believe you, then have a tape recorder handy when they make a comment and play it back to him. He needs to realize that it's you he should be sticking up for, not his parents. Maybe he's feeling like he can't say anything because you're living with them and they may kick you and him out? If he's always been a momma's boy then you may be outta luck... Just have a sincere talk with him, have him around when your mom's there, and stand up for yourself. No one has the right to disrespect you no matter who they are
    jolee0222

    Answer by jolee0222 at 1:07 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Whatever you do decide there's one thing you NEED to do, stand up for yourself! Nobody else is going to do it for you. Expecting your husband to do it for you is wrong. He's already made his decision on how he will handle his parents. He made that decision years ago. Now it's your turn, stand up and expect respect as you give it.
    blueraven60

    Answer by blueraven60 at 1:08 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • You need to stand up for yourself, but you also have to recognize that you are not in ideal living conditions. Since you are living with them, they may feel entitled to speak up about you/your habits. Not that this is right, but maybe they think of you as one of their kids? Do they treat them that way? I'm sorry - I hope you get out of there soon.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 1:16 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Well i have stood up for myself a bit. To my FIL when he talks disrespectful to my mom because i find that just rude and well no one is going to disrespect her around me. Especially them, I cant wait to leave here. Yes she does still treat him as if he were 15 years old! I just a whole big mess there family is full of drama! My husband and I stick to ourselves but not when it comes to his parents. His mother also thinks she is always right! When it comes to my son she will try and tell me a certain way he likes something which is wrong i know my son more than she ever will because she does not even pay attention to him! She is always to busy watching cartoons! Anyways my husband can ask me a question and ill tell him the answer and he will say well let me go ask my mom. And he does! Then he goes by what she says and it ALWAYS turns out that i was right! Its just gets me really bad! and i hate it bc it always has me in a bad
    Momie09

    Comment by Momie09 (original poster) at 1:25 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Mood..its just really stressing... I think itll all be better though when we move out....I hope
    Momie09

    Comment by Momie09 (original poster) at 1:26 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • If it ALWAYS turns out that you were right, your husband will eventually get the clue. Well, unless he's stupid, which I doubt. Why does he have to defend his parents to you? What are you saying about them to him? Maybe you need to check yourself, because it seems like THAT is what is disrespectful. You are living under their roof. They did raise him, and you married him, so they must have done something right.
    While I'm usually the first one to say stand up for yourself, if you are moving out soon, I say let all of this roll off your back. At the moment, you are living on their good will, and saying something to them will only drive a wedge in your relationship. You don't need a wedge over something stupid, especially if they are "full of drama." It's just not worth it to play into their drama prone behaviors. When you move out, you can do things without their input. (cont)
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 1:41 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • (cont) While you're there, just do your bobble head impersonation...smile and nod...and then do exactly what you want. No need to say anything about it, no need to get into an argument about it, just zip it and go on your way. Of course, you'll have to hash it out with a girlfriend LATER, just NOT your DH. I'm guessing your DH is a bit of a Mama's boy, and perhaps that will lessen when you move out, but you need to be prepared if it doesn't. Those apron strings can be very long. Interestingly, those same feelings that you had about protecting your Mom are the exact same ones your DH is having about HIS Mom. I hope it gets easier, momie, I know that's a tough, tough spot to be in. Just don't let them suck you into their drama. You can always come here and vent to us CM's. I'm sure we'll be full of opinions...or something. ;-)
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 1:46 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • If you can stick it out just a little longer, I wouldn't say anything
    BradensMom1026

    Answer by BradensMom1026 at 1:50 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

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