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How do I encourage my daughter to want more in her life?

She's a senior in high school and she has a part-time job but all she seems to want to do is work and see her boyfriend occasionally. I don't think she hangs around with any of her girlfriends anymore and she doesn't seem interested in attending any of the school activities, like Homecoming or football games, that are part of senior year. I know she's going to regret it later but how do I get her to see it now, before it's too late?

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ceallaigh

Asked by ceallaigh at 2:14 PM on Sep. 13, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 24 (19,921 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • She might not regret it later. Homecoming and football games are not interesting to everyone. The only thing that would bother me would be her not being with friends much. All you can do is encourage her to see her friends more but she is a teenager and being with a boyfriend or girlfriend is what they do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • That doesn't sound abnormal for a responsible kid who works- when I was her age I was living on my own, taking care of my child, and working nights... I never had energy left over for friends.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 2:19 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I wish I had an answer for you, I really do. In HS, all I focused on was my academics. I couldn't have cared less about school activities or dating or going out with friends. I ABHORRED HS and I wanted out as soon as possible, and to me, my grades were key to that. I felt awkward and uncomfortable around my classmates, because I thought a lot of their behavior and interests were juvenile and shallow.

    Could it be that your daughter feels the same way in some respects?

    In any case, I bumped you so that hopefully someone with advice out there will see your question.
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 2:20 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Hey Mama! I have had issues like that previously. Trying to explain anything to a Miss. Know it all is so hard! I sort of forced my daughter to go to her prom. Perhaps someone like her Aunt or someone that she is close to could also talk to her. I am at a loss with it all. Sorry!
    NicolesMommy

    Answer by NicolesMommy at 2:20 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • About all you can do is encourage her and get her treated for depression if you think that is a problem. My youngest son wouldn't participate in anything. He didn't want to do sports and quit scouts after cub scouts. We homeschooled and his brothers were older so he was really isolated. He is 22 now and doesn't regret not going to school, sports, or scouts. Those things may have been important to you and me but they might not be important to all of our kids.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 2:23 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I have to say that when I was in HS not too much of those things mattered to me either. I hated sports and rarely went to any of the games and don't feel like I missed anything. I went to my prom and homecoming but I like to dance and dress up, didn't have much to do with hanging out with my peers, it was a way to hang out with a few friends and my boyfriend.
    I think each child is different and it may be that those things just don't interest her. I'm not sure what the answer is but I wouldn't push too hard.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 2:24 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Have you talked to her about if everything is alright at school? Maybe something is going on at school. I think it maybe the time to really have a heart to heart talk with her and just make sure everything is ok and maybe she will and maybe she will not regrat going to the school things maybe she just wants to get things done and over with and make money and more on to college and have a change in friends and school. Talk with her momma.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 2:49 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I do talk to her a lot but she doesn't open up much. She enjoys her job, which is great, but I remind her that she has years and years of work ahead but she only gets one senior year. I don't think she's concentrating on college yet because she won't talk about visiting schools or even looking at their websites. I understand that she isn't sure what she wants to do after HS but she's jsut avoiding it by not talking/thinking about it at all.
    ceallaigh

    Comment by ceallaigh (original poster) at 2:54 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • She just may not be interested in those things. If she seems happy and content in her life, let her be. Let her know you are there for her and try to plan some things to do with her that are fun and that you can bond over, but don't try to push her to do things that she is not interested in.
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 3:01 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • As for what she wants to do during her senior year, you really can't do much about that. If she regrets in 5 -10 yrs from now , oh well. We all have regrets.
    It is time you set the rules for after school though. You can push her to be more productive. The rule at our house is you either go to college or you get a full time job. Make the rule and stick to it. Some kids are satisfied to sit around at home doing little until forced to begin their lives as adults. You will be doing her and you a favor if you lay down the law.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 3:03 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

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