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3 Bumps

What is fair?

My husband "came out" to me a couple of months ago after 11 years of marriage and two kids. I have made plans to move to my home state and continue raising my kids and he is fine with this. We will be getting a divorce within the next couple of months.

However...I told him I needed to save my money (about $1500 per month) if I'm going to be moving and starting over to have money saved to support myself and the kids. He on the other hand thinks I should pay him at least $600 a month to live here and help pay bills and the mortgage.

If I save my money, I can have close to $5000 saved before I move and completely start over...if I give him money, I would only have like $3000-$3500 saved.

What is fair? How much should I have saved?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:41 PM on Sep. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • You should split the communal bills 50/50 and then if you each have a bill in your own name, you are responsible for it.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 4:44 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Honestly...... I think it is very very sad that you are taking the kids away from their dad. He isnt evil he is simply gay. Fair??? Who cares about the money... is it fair for them not to see their dad?????

    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 4:46 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • 50/50 is fair for the bills + seperate your personal ones out. Hopefully the kids can still see their dad as long as he is a good father. GL
    Caoimhe_Oona

    Answer by Caoimhe_Oona at 4:55 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • You're probably doing the best you can bu going home and if he's ok with you taking the kids, just do it. Split whatever you are both responsible for, otherwise what you make is yours, Does he have a job?
    cmlkb

    Answer by cmlkb at 4:57 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I suppose for most 50/50 would be fair, but in my eyes it does not seem to be. I mean he is the one who came out after 11 years of marriage, you didn't have this planned, you planned to spend the rest of your life with him. Now you are put in this situation, because of him. I definitly would not pay 50/50. I would tell him, look I need to save my money becasue we now need to move, this is an unexpected situation and you are going to have to understand that I can not afford to pay that much to stay here. Plain and Simple I wouldn't do it.
    sheloveearth

    Answer by sheloveearth at 5:11 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I understand that you want to have as much saved up as possible for your fresh start and your upcoming move, but you are still living there and if you are working you need to contribute to the household expenses while you're still there and not expect a free ride. If he makes considerably more than you, perhaps the split should be pro-rated based on the percentage of income you each bring in. $600 sounds like alot to me, personally, but I don't know what you're expenditures are.

    He is going to have to be able to support himself after you're gone, and if he can't afford to live there alone he should be looking into other living arrangements for himself. Plus he is going to be responsible for child support. He needs do make a realistic assessment on how much money he'll have to live on when you're gone, and start making the necessary changes. But you also need to contribute while it is still your home.
    ahhmericanwoman

    Answer by ahhmericanwoman at 5:13 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

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