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why am i the enemy?

it seems to me like my stepson sees me as the enemy. i do not know why he treats me the way he does but i am nothing to him. when he comes over to my house to see his dad he will not even say hi to me unless his father MAKES him. if at any time during the weekend he is over i ask him somethng he will roll his eyes at me and glares at me all weekend. i just want to know if this is something he will do for the rest of my life or if he will get over acting like his mother. and i also need advice of what to do about it. please help:)

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Asked by busymamma503 at 4:46 PM on Oct. 16, 2008 in General Parenting

Level 7 (176 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • Sorry to say but at this point you are the enemy. He may get over it, he may not. Being a stepmom it a precarious position. I am sure he would see it as disloyal to his mom to be nice to you. If you have sons then you know the mother/son bond is really strong. In time he may get better, he may not.

    Answer by evilabbysmom at 5:11 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • Does he think you're the reason his parents aren't together? I am over here wishing you the very best of luck. I think there's so many things that could be the problem such as... did his Dad date often, maybe he got attached to some and then when it ended he was hurt? Does he feel he's being disloyal to his Mom? Does he think his Dad is going to be spending more time with you which means less with him now? I'm pretty direct even with kids and will say "I don't like it when you roll your eyes at me, please don't do that, it's disrespectful or it hurts my feelings when you ignore me". Do you all do fun things together when he's there? Do you give him alone time with his Dad (all kids need it but especially boys I think)?
    How old is he? I'm wishing you lots of luck, everything takes time.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 6:19 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • Most children of divorce retain a secret or not so secret fantasy that Mom adn Dad will get back together. When a parent remarries they see a bleak outcome for their dream. Unfortunately, he sees you as the enemy. He sees you as the reason they aren't together whether or not you even knew his father when they divorced. It is also highly possible that MOm is talking trash. All you can do is keep including him. Be kind to him. Little by little as he grows he will see that you aren't a bad person.
    If Dad had a talk with him and told him something like You know your Mom and I both love you very much. We don't love one another anymore ( or whatever is true for them) and can't live together and that has nothing to do with you. Might not hurt either id they've never had that talk. A lot of kids think the divorce is their fault. "If I was better Dad wouldn't have left" kind of stuff. Hang in there.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 7:22 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • i have been with his dad since he was a year old he is now it's not like i'm new...they were never together.....they split before she got prego...but for some reason he believes her that it is his kid.....( don't ask me).....they were never married. i mean i have almost raised this kid for 3 years of his life and all of them he has been treating me like shit?...we have also had the i am not your mommy talk and i will never try to replace his mother and he knows that. that is not my duty.i am here to make sure he is fed clothed and not in danger. that is all i am for. but he sees me as the devil. oh well i suppose i will live in hell for the rest of my days till he turns 18.

    Answer by busymamma503 at 3:34 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

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