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If Your Husband Were Doing This, What Would You Do?

We have been married 22 years and are both Christians. My husband spends like there's no tomorrow even though we are in a ton of debt. I asked him yesterday how he can continue to spend knowing we're in debt and it doesn't bother him. He said, "I believe I can pay it off." He does play the stock market so when we are low on money he is able to sell stock so we can make it to the next paycheck. I've gone to those money conferences in the past, taken husband to a money class at the library (he went begrudgingly), tried talking to him, shown him the bills and the figures, and yet he still spends away. I have not worked since our first was born but am looking for work currently. I had asked husband a couple years ago if I could have my own bank account to which he said no. He doesn't want to see a counselor (personal or financial). What is going on here? What would you do if this were happening to you?

 
zboys

Asked by zboys at 6:29 PM on Sep. 13, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 19 (7,047 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (26)
  • Are you FUCKING SERIOUS? "No, you can not have your own bank account"... Um, hon, that is NEVER something you have to ask permission for. if he wants to squander his money, fine, but the MOST irresponsible thing you could possibly do is to take YOUR hard earned money and dump it into HIS bank account, when you know damn well he'll spend it on things you do not need.

    This DID happen to me, and I opened my own bank account, set up a direct deposit so he could NEVER touch my paychecks, and I paid the bills.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 6:34 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Me personally.

    My family's finances have nothing to do with religion. Well, I take that back, my husband donates a percentage of his income to charity per his religious beliefs/tenents. So yeah, I guess religion plays that one single part in our finances.

    With that said. If my husband had such a spending problem. And he was unwilling to seek any form of financial advice/counselling. I would take FULL and total control over all of our finances. He could either live with that or not. But if my husband were being totally irresponsible with our finances, then it would be up to me as the other half of our partnership to take over and be responsible with our finances.

    For the record. I've been married 25 years. I have full and total control over ALL of our finances (bills, savings accounts, investments, retirement accounts..everything).. Because one thing my husband has proven is that he SUCKS when it comes to finances..lol
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 6:36 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Tell him he is not honoring his duty as a husband and is not taking care of his family. Tell him he is being selfish and greedy....and sinful. Maybe he'll understand that since he is a "christian".
    sahmamax2

    Answer by sahmamax2 at 7:25 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Has he been doing this the whole time you have known him? Or has this been a recent development? If it has been the entire time, I have to ask, why did you put up with it for so long. It should have been a part of the marriage "agreement" that his family was taken care of before the extra stuff.
    If it's something new, maybe it is a mid-life crisis type thing. If that is what it is, you need to get to the bottom of it, and quick, before he puts your family in jeopardy any more then he has.
    -Ashley
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 8:02 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • ^^ maybe the OP believes the husband is the head of the household, per religious belief?? and as such, she's got it stuck in her brain that she shouldn't question his authority, blahblahblah... (if so, she doesn't fully understand her role in keeping things afloat, along with her dh. )
    my best guess. and again, i agree with obby. (surprise!)
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 7:34 AM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • Speaking as a christian he is in denial of his sin. Try reading different parts of the bible with him that show how wrong materialism is, maybe he'll get the hint when its the big guy saying it :)
    If it doesn't work, I would say to go ahead and get your own bank account when/if you get a job. He can't tell you not to get one and if you have a child, the extra account that he can't waste will definitely come in handy.
    I'll pray for you guys and hope you can work it out.
    an-apple-a-day

    Answer by an-apple-a-day at 6:33 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Run. Seriously you he needs help. Pray and ask God for wisdom and guidance you need to help you deal with this problem. How does your hubby feel about going to the pastor for help .
    janitablue

    Answer by janitablue at 6:35 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I would have to draw a line in the sand. Give him an ultimatum, either the behavior stops or set some kind of consequence. If that wouldnt work for your type of relationship, try coming to some sort of budget by mutual agreement.
    Moonluv727

    Answer by Moonluv727 at 6:38 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I would ask him to set a certain amount of money aside each month for savings, an amount you both agree to. If he says no your out of luck. I would then start looking for work, get my own checking account, and see what money he has in the stock market or else where he might not be telling you about. You are both adults and should both be handling financial decisions together.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 7:34 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • WTH does money issues have to do with Religion?
    MamaK88

    Answer by MamaK88 at 11:03 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

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