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Ladies I need an honest advice and tell me what the hell is wrong with me

Ok so it's been since my SO moved out. He told me its over he does not want to work things out. 12 yrs and I am having a hard time with it. I tried to stop myself but I looked at the phone logs which I really shouldn't since I've been told it's over. So I look and I see that he has been talking to this one particular phone# at all hours of the day. I went berserk. I called him and threatened to break all his stuff at home if he did not confess that he has been involved with this girl. He swore to my daughter and he starts to tell this is why he can't deal with me because I act erratic when I don't get what I want. My friend tells me we can't for tell the future but it is clear that I have anger problems. I have to let go I keep praying asking god to please give me strength. It is so hard to let go. But I have to show my kids that I am strong. I need help controlling my anger. Help me please. :(

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:21 PM on Sep. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • hon, seriously. you should probably see someone. this doesnt sound healthy
    BlacksheepSati

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 9:23 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Take an anger management class if you think you need one as well as counseling. I hope you feel better. GOOD LUCK
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 9:24 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Get an appointment to talk to someone, then go to your nearest batting cages and smack the hell out of some baseballs, go the driving range and slam a bunch of golf balls, et cetera. I feel for you. Hang in there.
    amybaby_19

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 9:25 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • It's hard because emotions are running high.....HE broke up with you and HE was the one emotionally ready to move on....and you were NOT. But you kinda have to....you really just have to let go...it will be emotionally hard for quite a while, but if you have to do as little as possible with him, you'll get over it faster.
    Look at it this way.....he cheated on you (assuming you were talking about phone logs when you were still together). You don't want a man that does that to you...even if he's emotionally not there....he should have the decency to break up with you first before going elsewhere. Don't sell yourself short.....
    CABlonde

    Answer by CABlonde at 9:26 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • its easy for people not in ur shoes to say, "grow up, dont be mad, get over it" and things like that. Truth is it's been 12 years, it's not going to be easy to get over. This isn't some really cool motivational movie where you suddenly get this revelation and move on like it never happened. You will have good days and you will have bad days, the key here is to avoid contact with HIM as much as possible. In order to "move on" he has to be out of the picture. This takes will power. Your should only speak to him when you have to, and if you dont then ... you really shouldnt because its only going to hurt more. We tend to self inflict the pain in situations like this, but like I said out of site out of mind... This is just one step to moving on. From there set goals for yourself and take this time to focus on things you need to change. Or want to change. You are in control now ;-)
    AngelEyva

    Answer by AngelEyva at 9:27 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • PRAYER.Show him that you ARE strong and that will help you both. Whether he IS or ISn't talking to this girl doesn't matter right now. You want to feel better. Start thinking of goals you want to accomplish and a plan on how to do it instead of putting all your energy into thinking about what he's doing. You and your kids come first. You don't want them to feel like mom is out of control and they have to be the ones to calm mom or reassure mom that she'll be ok. I've been there. I'm kinda of STILL there and bitter. In my case he was talking to another woman, and he LIED. I hate liars! I realized I was wasting all my time on something that I couldn't control. I want to BE happy I want to focus on me and my kids' futures. So I started making a plan oh how to go back to school. Let him do what he wants. God will take care of you and your kids. God DOES have a plan for you. So when you start to get angry and bitter...think positiv
    TXmommy2000

    Answer by TXmommy2000 at 9:31 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • no advice just wishing you luck.... been there it gets better
    harris4

    Answer by harris4 at 9:32 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • i used to act that way. for me i just got tired of acting that way and realizing that acting that way didn't change anything for the better. so i changed the way i reacted when i realized that. it takes a lot of discipline but you feel so much better about yourself when you handle things maturity
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 9:33 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Have you tried techniques for calming down? Like counting or taking deep breaths or just walk away from the situation for a few minutes

    noahsmommy12908

    Answer by noahsmommy12908 at 9:35 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Bottom line, this guy is NO good for you, anger or not. Think about what makes you furious. Is is that he may have cheated and gotten away with it or is it that you were dumped or is it that you cannot control him? Get answers for yourself so you better understand why you feel the way you do. Then accept that he's wrong and move on. I know....so easy to say and so hard to do. This is a time to be introspective, selfish, self-indulgent in activities that bring you happiness, stability, etc. He made it clear it's over so now you have to muddle through your anxiety and pain. Really try to learn from this one. Some other guy will come along and by then your ex may want you back but you'll kick him to the curb. Just really try, if not for you, for your family. GL
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 10:11 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

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