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PLEASE read I need opinions now!

Ok so my cousin passed away Tuesday from cancer, we went to the funeral of course. They didn't mention my uncle, her birth father or even her maiden name AT ALL. It really hurt my entire side of the family including her own "full" brother. They did not mention her 4 half siblings either its like our side of the family didn't exist. It was her mothers doing, after 30+ years she found a way to really hurt my uncle and make some kind of point at the worst place possible. My uncle and cousin did not always have a great relationship but they did have one, they did mention her ex-stepfather that raised her but no one from our side of the family, it was a slap in the face to us all. Now my mother wants to put a obituary in the paper in my cousins hometown since no one did, is it ok to do that? Will it just stir up more drama? I hate this and don't know what to do. I know our family is really hurt but I don't want more drama caused.

Answer Question

Asked by BusyBeesmom at 9:27 PM on Sep. 13, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (690 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • So sorry for your loss. In my opinion, I think it's okay, give people who knew her through your side of the family a chance to hear the news. Just don't do the same injustice the other side of her family did, make sure you mention both sides of her family in the obituary, rise above the anger and hurt.

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 9:30 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I would just let it go what happen at the funeral. It happen its over with nothing you can do and doing something about it would cause drama.
    I think the obituary in the hometown is great, just don't mention it to the mother. Since you mother is paying for it I see no big deal in it

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 9:30 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Also my uncle and cousin had been working on their relationship and getting along fine when she passed, plus my side of the family ALWAYS treated her mother well and still invited her to family events and such. I am just so upset by this all but don't know if putting an obit in the paper will cause more issues.

    Comment by BusyBeesmom (original poster) at 9:30 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I see no reason not to, but the obit is usually posted before services. I think it is kinda tacky to post it after. Maybe not an obit, but a memorial posting?

    Answer by Maureen-MD at 9:31 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • First, my condolences on your loss. Second, I don't think an obituary placed in the hometown paper is wrong, or hurtful. I would just suggest that your mom be the better person, and list everyone.

    Answer by DMac08 at 9:32 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I would think that putting an obituary in the hometown is courtesy, those that grew up with her might not know unless they see it. Just my opinion. i also have a lot of family drama going on and have recently found that somethings that gave major offense were never intended to, but we didn't find out until we sat down and did some serious talking with each other. You know your family best of course, but it can't hurt to try to talk to them about what hurt your feelings and try to get it worked out. Good Luck and I'm sorry for your loss. <3

    Answer by SionedOfSyr at 9:32 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I am sorry to hear of your loss. I think its fine, and if its in her HOME town and no one put one in there i am guessing that no one really lives there then (family wise) then they wouldnt know she did it. But i think it would be fine to do it!

    Answer by babymaddy at 9:33 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I would post the obit in every paper where someone might know her.

    Answer by dancinintherain at 9:34 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • i see nothing with it either. its not vindictive only if they take it that way but your doing it as any body would when someone dies.

    Answer by melody77 at 9:36 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Of Course, you can put a Obituary in the paper of your cousins hometown- i don't see why that would be trying to cause more Drama- i think most people put one in the town they are from & where they live now- I'm sorry that happened to your family- Someone else asked a ? about this same thing earlier today & i told her that she she do what would make her feel better- i think you & the rest of your family should do the same thing- i really don't understand why the Worse comes out in some when a Loved One passes- it doesn't make sense- Wishing you lots of luck!

    Answer by daisyb at 9:42 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

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