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2 Bumps

what would you do...

if your child, who was on probation for a sexual assualt, was accused of breaking a neighbors windows? what if they were accused of damaging vehicles? what if you knew based on past experience that they were stealing money from you? now what if this child was fetal alcohol effects? this is what my mother is going through and in my opinion the only thing that will get through to him is a stay in a juvinile detention center but she wont do it. she is convinced that less privicy is the answer so tomorrow i remove is door and but alarms on his windows.... but she still lets him out of her line of site (which is against his parole agreement) i dont know what to do.... HELP!!!!

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mommy06and09

Asked by mommy06and09 at 10:23 PM on Sep. 13, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 11 (531 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • well it sounds like he's gonna end up in juvie anyway if your mom is not properly supervising him, so it's only a matter of time
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 10:24 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • You can't do anything. Hands off the situation.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 10:25 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • You can blame it on FAS (guilt) but that won't change his problematic behavior. Serious therapy? Evaluation by a doctor? Then JV?
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 10:25 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Your mother needs to take action. My sister (now 35) was a FAS baby. She was not diagnosed until the early 1990's but our mom drank through her entire pregnancy to cope with an unwanted pregnancy (Catholic, wouldn't abort; didn't want to give her up, either). Our grandparents took my sister in when she was almost a year old. She has been allowed to get away murder, practically. She physically assaulted our Nan when she was 13 and when Papa came between them Nan stopped HIM from hitting HER.
    Now she is living with them (again, off and on as need dictates. Read "need" for "need to hide from law enforcement/warrants),our granddad pays for her prescription drug habit (knowing the pills are unneeded) and her loser boyfriends; He buys them beer and cigarettes, doesn't make them get jobs, drives them everywhere, after living a life to age 70 without cable tv or satellite tv he now pays for the most expensive package DirecTV offers
    NEMommaOf3

    Answer by NEMommaOf3 at 10:44 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • and never enforces anything. She has stolen his debit card and racked up charges over $1000; he wouldn't press charges. She has a revoked license (driving to endanger) and he lets her drive his car.

    Your mother needs to wake up this kid and make him see the light or else he will cruise through life. Your mom feels guilt and needs to get over that and make positive steps and changes and break the cycle of enabling.

    Sure, he may go to juvie later. But removing his door now will only make him sneakier and craftier. He will figure out how to do things under her nose without her knowing. If she can't enforce the rules (and laws, if on parole) now, she will be in a situation similar to my folks twenty years down the line.
    NEMommaOf3

    Answer by NEMommaOf3 at 10:48 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Can you contact his parole officer?
    katiekruschke

    Answer by katiekruschke at 11:17 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • ii wish i could contact the parole officer but my mother wont give a name or number cause she knows it will end badly. my brother was adopted by the way, so she wasnt the one who drank while pregnant but she is an older woman who is dealing with a husband with th early stages of alzhiemers so... eveything gets away from her. plus shes depressed cause the sexual assault made her loose a child that she was on the verge of adopting that she had had for almost 8 years (so she lost her daughter assentially) in my opinion its best for everyone involved that it happened this way, i just wish there was something i could do to make her wake up and see the light and turn this kid in... he did finally confess to breaking the window though and even went to apologize but that really doesnt make me feel any better about him... i told him for the first time that i dont trust him around my kids...
    mommy06and09

    Comment by mommy06and09 (original poster) at 3:57 AM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • If you really want to call his parole officer just look up the juvenile parole number in your state and call them. You can report him anonymously and all you have to do is say his name and why you are calling. They will either transfer you to his officer or a supervisor or something or just take the information and pass it on. I can say from experience the only hope of changing his behavior is to send him to jail and stop bailing him out. My mom did it to me and it changed my life for the better. Granted I was not near as bad as this kid but I was headed that way and if she had not done what she did who knows where I would be now. Its called tough love and soon your mom wont have the choice to make it will be made for her. Good Luck
    LuLuj29

    Answer by LuLuj29 at 5:59 AM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • Hes not going to stop because he knows your Momma gonna bail him out and take his side nomatter what. I would not let him round my kids either. A lil jail time and some meds may slow him down but hes gonna needs much prayer and a mentor to work with him.
    mekarevell

    Answer by mekarevell at 8:44 AM on Sep. 14, 2010

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