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What should I do to make it okay?

I have been unhappy. We dont have sex because I wont have sex without him at least telling me i'm pretty or he loves me anymore. Sorry but the I just wanna have sex, rip off your clothes thing is old. Thats nice from time to time but not EVERY time. I feel like i'm being used that way... There is no such thing as romance... I have depression issues, and he is so stressed about bills he told me he is about to have a mental breakdown.

Our relationship has stopped being romantic. We talk about bills, polotics, and our daughter. What can I do?

 
Sandiii

Asked by Sandiii at 6:15 PM on Oct. 16, 2008 in Relationships

Level 2 (9 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • gosh i feel for you and your husband. i have been stressing out about money for yrs. i think you make him happy but what really defines a man most that he can be happy with himself is being a good provider and that entails having the money to provide for you guys. that's why he is stressing cause of the amount of money he wishes he could provide you with and this baby. just reassure him that you appreciate that he works so hard and even though he is not making as much that to you him just trying really counts cause it makes you see that you are truly loved. encouraging words are what he needs right now and they need to be sincere.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 9:50 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • Oh and he just sent me this text... "I mean I try not to think about or talk about money bt when your geting paid 300 dollars less than yourcheck is normally its hard not to think abou. Its just way too much stress and I just want it over wth. Thats why i hvent been there for you. Because our money has basically been like this our entire marriage" I know money is rough... but shouldnt I be enough to make him happy... at least in some ways?
    Sandiii

    Answer by Sandiii at 6:20 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • Oh...I'm there. When we have funds and his mindframe is good then we are good and just the opposite with things are down. Guys get consumed. CONSUMED with stress issues. Your relationship is going to stress. What to do? I think realizing that it ISN"T you is going to keep your self esteem up cause he certainly wont right now. Let's try it though, get out together. I know what a concept, I am going to TRY tomorrow. Sad but apparently it does take work sometimes. Who would have thought us? Work at relationship? Good luck, sincerely. Regrets start happening otherwise, remember, he's telling you what it is, it isn't you. He's just consumed.
    notjustamom380

    Answer by notjustamom380 at 6:36 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • You all need to be on the same page and it sounds like you're really not! You should definitley buy this book and read it WITH your hubby. I guarentee that the stuff will work, your man is craving respect from you. Men need respect and women need love. And this book talks ALL about that. Get it and message me if you want to chat.

    Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 6:38 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • How long have you been married or together? Everyone hits this point in their relationship. You can choose to deal with it somehow til it passes or do what the crowd does which is eventually break up. If you prefer to stay together (I assume you do) then you have to talk about everything that you're keeping inside, even if its uncomfortable. Lots of time my husband I talk to each other in the dark, somehow its easier if you don't see each other and then the make-up sex after tears is awesome!
    wilcoxamanda

    Answer by wilcoxamanda at 7:11 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • Im kinda on both sides of the fence on this......I agree that your realationship should not be bad just because your financial situation is bad and that is something you two should go through together but thats how some people are I know when my bf is stuggling everyone around him struggles literally lol he is just afraid of failing at what he has put everything into and having nothing so I do understand his stress even though it is hard on us and our kids!! I just try to be there for him as much as i can be.
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 7:29 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • Now as for the you not wanting to have sex with him unless he tells you that you are pretty or that he loves you I think thats taking it a little to far your not going to have romance all of the time and if you are having problems probably even less... he is there with you and in a realationship with you he shouldnt have to tell you that all of the time would you rather he just told you that so youd put out let him say it when he is in that mood and every once in awhile tell him you want to hear it but it sound like you may be wearing it out and he is going to start feeling like he has to work for sex!!
    scaredmommy08

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 7:29 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • you should talk to someone for sure together. do u have a local pastor that can do some free counceling? try it, it may help
    hotmama541

    Answer by hotmama541 at 7:36 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • in response to scared mommy- sorry but i;'mnot having sex just because he's horny. if it doesnt mean anything, i dont want to do it. especially when i haventbeen in the mood at all since i had my kid. I only want to have sex to BE wth him, not because he needs to blow a load. What I was saying is- he SHOULD have to work for it at this point! I'm not just giving it up beacuse he wants it any longer. When we have sex it isnt even good for me anymore. I dont EVER get ANYTHING out of it, ad sorry like i said, not doing it if it isnt because he lovse me and wants to be with me, and especially if it doesnt even make me feel good.
    Sandiii

    Answer by Sandiii at 7:57 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • And WilcoxAmanda, we have been married for two years. I have no desire to leave him over this. We have talked, over and over again. Nothing seems to change.... i'm just really stuck.
    Sandiii

    Answer by Sandiii at 7:59 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

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