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Seriously WTH do you ever do for me?

I love my 19 year old daughter with all of my heart and sole. she graduated in the top 4 percent and is happy being a sophmore Gatorgirl...Bottom line is I get no affection from her. The only time she calls me is when she is sick or needs something. She does say thank you occasionally! But will never initiate a conversation. She is only 5 hours from me and I see her about 3 times a year now...Yes you have heard this before? eh, Well I am tired of being a door mat...I have told her all I want is a little communication. how bout 2 or 3 times a week I would like to hear a Hi MOM! I have expressed this in a mature tone and I have also expressed this as " I am not going to give anyone 40K that does not want to show me respect or doesn not like me. Yes and be a friend and a daughter"....I could go on and on about the good and the bad. But my question is WTH does she ever do for me?


Asked by pepperannrocks at 10:43 PM on Sep. 13, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • 19 year olds are trying to learn how to live in the world. Not to mention, college is a busy, busy place.
    Even though you are frustrated, you are still her mom. We try to teach our kids how to help around the house, life skills, living skills, compassion, and many more traits.
    She is probably trying to get through her busy days, and learn how to do things on her own. She wants to try to fly solo for a bit. If she calls frequently, that will change her focus on how to do things on her own.
    Be patient. Thanksgiving is coming, have her bring a friend or 2 home that have no place to go. You will see what she's learning from more than college.
    I think you'll be pleased with what you see.
    Also, I have to say this, but our children need us. We love them and we bless them, and then they have to find their way for a bit. Be patient. It's a mom's job.

    Answer by 6girlsrock at 11:34 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • she IS 19, she is having her independence, be glad she wasn't like me splitting from her fiance moving back in with a 6 month old. I understand where you are coming from, my mom and I went through it too, but at 19 she is living life to the fullest, or atleast to the extent she can, and forgetting that you are home being MOM....Do you text her? Maybe she needs communication in something that she can relate to better, I know alot of people hate talking on the phone they'd rather text....good luck, and don't be too hard on her...

    Answer by HTMommy at 10:51 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Well how was your relationship before she left? Did you talk a lot then? If so then yes you should be a little sad but not angry. She needs to find herself. Do you work or have other friends or your husband, you could invest more time in? Give her some time to be a college sophomore, you have to remember what that was like.

    Now if your relationship was not that close in the beginning then I would not expect a lot to go different since she is away from home. All you can do is let her know that you want to be close and just get an update of what she has been up to. Make sure you try to play the friend role and do not get pushy about wanting to know more. Tell her you love her and that you are proud and that you will always be there. It is a good thing to see our parents enjoying their life and not living in ours. HUGS

    Answer by allmomma at 10:57 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • I Have a daughter that is20 and on her own and in the Air Force. She has shown me the reality of life that she does not need to check in on me everyday. Oh yes we can do facebook, skype, call on the magic jack but i do not hear from here like i used to when she lived around the corner from me here. It is howing her independance. I was really bothered by it and walways wasnted to know anything what is going on in her life, but when she wants me to know something, she will let me know on her terms. I guess I was the same way when i was her age. Just relax mom.. You will be ok..

    Answer by Airforce3mom at 10:59 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • All you can do is keep on loving her. We give to show them the way. A mothers' love is not for return, just for passing on. How was your relationship before she went to college?

    Answer by LeJane at 11:54 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • aw she's 19, give her a break. when i was 19, i wanted nothing to do with my dad. i wanted to live on my own, do my own thing. sure i'd talk to him, say hi, see him every now and then, but i was in the wasn't until i was about 20, i was settling down with my now DH, having my son...that's when i started talking to him more. and even then it wasn't much. we moved out of state when i was almost 21, we were gone for 3yrs, over 700 miles apart and we'd talk once every few months. i did talk to my mom alot more though, but they were divorced and she was out of state so we never really saw each other except for maybe once a year when dad could afford to send us there.
    being a mom and was like that before, i can see both sides of it. she wants to be out on her own, but have mommy to run to. she's used to running to you. in her mind it's more like "i know i'm alright, so why should i call her?" make sense??

    Answer by armywife43 at 10:52 PM on Sep. 13, 2010

  • Nothing. and Probably never will.

    Answer by phoenix231 at 1:00 AM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • My daughter is 23 and I get the same thing from her. Or at least I used to. I love her from the bottom of my soul. but told her about a year ago that she can't have it both ways. Until she decides what she wants, don't ask me for anything. So far, I haven't heard a peep out of her. Yes, it hurts some, but I feel I had to do things this way. Who knows? Maybe one day she'll actually come to appreciate me and all I've done for her.

    Answer by Robsmommy at 3:30 AM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • Regardless as to her age, respect and appreciation for your parents start early, early in life. Sorry to hear that you are going through this...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:29 PM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • wow, that is VERY hurtful! Sounds a bit familiar. Do you two not get along???

    Answer by NicolesMommy at 7:34 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

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