Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I am having a hard time dealing with other people trying to help taking care of my son. Will this feeling ever pass? because I just feel like everyone is trying to step on me.

My sister in law is stepping all over me when it comes to my son. I feel like she is trying to be his mom. PLEASE HELP me deal with this feeling.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:15 PM on Oct. 16, 2008 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (13)
  • stand up for yourself! Tell her im sorry i appreciate you helping, but im his mother.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:17 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • You have to be blunt. Surprisingly I found it very easy when my baby girl was born. I usually hold back... I like my new self better :). lol. You just have to tell her how it is... Tell her to have her own baby! Good luck.
    LovinMyMikayla

    Answer by LovinMyMikayla at 8:24 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • hey there... its me agian. Another thing.... i am not a blunt person and she cant have children so i wasnt about to tell her that she should have one.... please help.
    KimberlyBailey

    Answer by KimberlyBailey at 8:25 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • I would try and think of some tasks you would like your sisiter to help with. Since she can't have kids of her own I'm sure she is just trying to create a special bond with your baby. Maybe once a week she can take him for a walk or just babysit. This will give you time to yourself and help make her feel special. Just be honest with her. Let her know that you appreciate everything she does and you plan on her having a huge role in your sons life but you are trying to learn how to be a mom and you need the practice.
    efsuermann

    Answer by efsuermann at 8:31 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • do you think that i feel this way because im still postpardum? Or is something that every mom goes through with there first? I know the situation would be different if we didnt live together but its hard... Thank you for the advice everyone.. you are really lifting my spirits!!!
    KimberlyBailey

    Answer by KimberlyBailey at 8:36 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • I think it is a feeling all moms have. I feel that way about my MIL that she wants to be my childrens mother. My husband says it is just my hormones. But just put a limit to when she can come over and help like on certain days. Just tell her other days you focusing on mommy and baby time.
    lizzy021604

    Answer by lizzy021604 at 8:43 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • can i be honest... everyones advice here is WONDERFUL! and i appreciate it more than anyone wil ever know... but please understand and help me cope. I am not the type of person to come out and say mean things but at the same time she is a very controlling person. I want to make these feelings go away but i have no idea how. Pretty much what im saying is... she tells me that i hold him to much and when and where i should cover him up and everything else "she thinks". When i say that it hurts my feelings or whatever she tells me "if you are telling me not to love him than you are crazy". So that is the response I get. PLease please please help.
    KimberlyBailey

    Answer by KimberlyBailey at 8:50 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • You don't have to be rude, but you do have to stand up for yourself. Just tell her that you appreciate her advice, but you are a first time mom and you have to figure out some things on your own. Experience is the best teacher. Make sure you let her know that you know she is only doing it b/c she loves the baby and wants to help, but sometimes you just need to do things your own way. You can try writing it in a letter, and just let her know that you don't want to hurt her feelings, and that you wrote it down so that you can make sure it doesn't come out wrong ( you can review what you write down, sometimes it is too late when you talk!)

    Jazak

    Answer by Jazak at 9:39 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • I used to have the same problem, your skin will get thicker. You are still getting used to being a mom, and worry yourself if you are making all the right choices, so when someone else questions your ability it makes you feel bad. That is normal, but there is no such thing as a perfect parent. It is a trial and error process (unfortunately!). Be sure and tell her thank you for loving both you and your child enough to care.
    Jazak

    Answer by Jazak at 9:39 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

  • I had the same feelings when my son was born. Any time someone tried giving us advice, I politely said " thanks, but our ped told us ........" this seemed to work pretty well. It also helped that I BF, so I got to take charge a little more and also sneal off for quiet time with him. Also, I know you don't want to hear it, but you do need to have a talk with your sister in law. It might help to have the husbands there to help diffuse any emotions. And remember, that just because you are being honest, doesn't equal rude. You might find it helpful to write a letter or outline what you would like to say so that it is less emtional. Also remind her that you appreciate her and are thakful that your chld has such a caring aunt; but you will raise him how you see fit (end of story). The longer you let this go; the worse it will be. Better to have a discussion now, then to have a HUGE blowout later. GOOD LUCK!
    gwood

    Answer by gwood at 9:45 PM on Oct. 16, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN