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Ugg. needs advice on what to do ...

I am marrying the man of my dreams in a month ! Our lives are great I have a daughter from a previous marriage and he has a son who I love very much ! The only problem or drama we have in our lives is his son's birth mom. She only comes around every few months, "pretends" to come see him, but really just wants money and leaves as soon as she gets some. I worked hard and threw him a huge birthday party and she blew up because she "wanted" to throw him one ( even though last year she didnt even call to say happy birthday) . She has "stolen" pics off of my facebook of when we took him tot he zoo and other places - puts them on her profile and putscomments on it that makes it seem like she was the one who took him there ( "our day at the zoo", " he loves the turtles" ). I use to try and get along with her, but I cant do it any longer. We hardly see her, but how can i deal with this when she does randomly show up.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:06 AM on Sep. 14, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (8)
  • Go to court and get a scheduled visitation so she stops interrupting your lives.

    Answer by dancer at 11:08 AM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • your fiance needs to step up and put a stop to it. its not fair to you and your daughter or your stepson for her to keep jumping in and out of your lives like that. and why is she getting money from your fiance if he's the one raising their son?

    Answer by DreainCO at 11:11 AM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • I would do whatever it took to keep everything as calm as possible. I wouldn't fight with her. So what if she takes the facebook pictures. Just deal with her every few months as needed. Don't let the kids see you fight. Try to keep it stable and calm.

    Answer by mompam at 11:57 AM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • First, I would make my facebook private. That solves the issue of her stealing the pictures. It's not a "so what" at all, they are not hers and it IS wrong of her. As far as birth momma drama, unfortunately all too often, people don't think about the kids when they jump in and out of their lives at all. I was a foster kid and my birth mom would randomly visit when she was out of prison. I would be a mess for weeks afterward. There is nothing anyone could have done to make that better, it just was, so my best advice is just to roll with the times she shows up and then give that little boy all the love and calm he can handle when she leaves. Sorry it isnt an ideal solution, just my opinion.

    Answer by Tiannas_Momma at 12:24 PM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • definitely go to court and get a visitation schedule. Something that is in writing that is legal so that she cannot just show up whenever she wants. That is not good for that little boy. I went through this with my daughter and her biological father and his new girlfriend. It's a long process, and even though I have not heard from him in a year he still has 50/50 rights to her even though he has not been a part of her life since she was a year old. I've been back and forth to court sooo many times and they keep making me agree to a visitation schedule that he keeps skipping. Well, next time I go to court I'm going to be going for Full custody and changing her name so that I never have to deal with him ever again. I don't even know where he lives. He is homeless and doesn't have a job. He doesn't pay child support and is an all around deadbeat.

    Answer by sugaree at 7:26 PM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • Keep your facebook private. Don't share any information about him. Just know you are doing the right thing as his mom by showing him you can stay calm in a stressful situation. Set an example for him and be the bigger person by dealing with her a respectful manner

    Answer by soccerfanatic14 at 2:20 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I wouldn't let the facebook thing get to me. The people who are really in his life (and her life for that matter) know what is really going on and who cares what a bunch of other people on facebook think? I would need to resolve the showing up asking for money issue with my husband-to-be prior to marriage. No way would I be comfortable with money coming out of my family's finances to pay off a deadbeat mom to stop being a PITA.

    My husband has a child from his first marriage and the ex is not as bad as all this but it's still a lot to deal with sometimes when you are stuck with this person in your lives that neither of you really wants to have to to deal with. But my husband is the love of my life and he's totally worth it. You just have to decide if he's worth it, and if you can maintain boundaries in your relationship with his ex to the point where you can live with it.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 10:52 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Get things legal, like the others said. That's really annoying that she's taking credit for taking him to the zoo and stuff! That would really piss me off!

    Answer by Amber211 at 9:41 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

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