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What am I supposed to do?

My SO and and split up and I am moving out of state. He is begging me to forgive him for giving up on us and to work things out. I told him that I am still moving and that if we did do anything, it would be long distance. The problem is, I am so exhausted with everything thats gone on that I don't have the motivation to even talk about fixing things. I love him, but I just don't have it in me right now. If I tell him no and move, that will be it for us. Which isn't what I want, but I need time to heal. How do I go about doing this? He would be able to move there in January.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Sep. 14, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • If you aren't 100% sure that you really want to leave.. maybe you should think it through. You may actually be ruining something good.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 11:33 AM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • Is there a reason other than your splitting up for you moving out of state? That will have a lot to do with the answers you get. If he is the one who gave up on the two of you then he needs to put a little more effort into fixing it to prove that he wants to.
    Misteh

    Answer by Misteh at 11:34 AM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • Take the time you need right now to take a breather. it sounds like you have everything in place for the move. Follow through with what is most important to you right now and see if things change over time. I know some couples who get along better after separating/divorcing than before. I wish you all the best.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 11:35 AM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • If you still love him, I would stay and try to work things out, go to counseling, counseling will really help you to heal
    BradensMom1026

    Answer by BradensMom1026 at 11:37 AM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • It is too late to stay. I've quit my job, moved my DD (he isn't bio dad) and will be moving the remainder of our things this week. We are moving out of state because he was the only reason we were here (hes in school) I've been wanting to move back home for awhile and just kept putting it off for him,
    allfiller

    Answer by allfiller at 11:39 AM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • Its difficult to answer without know the details but this much is evident: When you are hurt by someone, there is always going to be a healing period and a growing period. You may need the separation in order see where your problems truly lie within your relationship. Yes in some cases, absence makes the heart grow fonder, but out of sight can mean out of mind too. Establish your feelings within the situation first and what those feelings are based on. Then look at the situation and determine what it is that created it in the first place. When you are able to look at the person you love and remember why you became involved and stayed with them in the first place it makes putting things into perspective a bit simpler. STRONG CLEAR OPEN LINES OF COMMUNICATION ARE THE KEY TO SURVIVAL FOR ANY LASTING RELATIONSHIP. I celebrate 18 years of marriage 12-1-10 :o)
    MzZiXiu4U

    Answer by MzZiXiu4U at 11:39 AM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Sounds like the both of you have alot to think about. Has he really changed? That would be the good thing to think about. Are you ready to continue where you left off.. That is if he has not changed. Really think hard before saying yes or no. Moving away is something people need to do to find themselves. My daughter was " so in love " with this looser here that had no motivation on getting a job, staying out of trouble, but would try to control her. After 3 months on figuring out that she wanted to go intot he service, she went in knowing in her heart that it was probably going to end her life with this idiot here. And it did.. :) She found out that she was way worth more than what she had here . She did a lot of thinking in the 8 weeks then decided it was over. Now someone else is putting up with his B/S.. SO going away was the best thing she ever did for herself.
    Airforce3mom

    Answer by Airforce3mom at 11:44 AM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • the only thing i can suggest is to be completely honest with him - that seems to be what you have done - maybe he will change his mind and be willing to wait until you have the strength to work things out with him - this is a choice only you can make - good luck to you, honey - do you really love him? could you push yourself to work on it long distance? you have to decide which is more important to you - him or your sanity - and - once again - think about it for a really long time - all aspects of it - before making up your mind..
    kaysimon132461

    Answer by kaysimon132461 at 11:54 AM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • You said it yourself "it is too late to stay and the only reason you were there was for him". I think he is having a minor freak out that you are leaving. If your plan together was to move back eventually anyway, then go ahead with your plan alone. If it is meant to be, then the long distance thing will work for 3 months before he can join you.

    You cannot move your DD back and forth... IMO that is the most important reason to go ahead with the move. I would tell him that you still love him, but you have already made the move. If you want to try the long distance thing, then tell him that. If you are not sure, then tell him that you are stressed about the move and do want to talk to him more once you are settled. If you don't want to continue trying, then tell him NO and close this chapter before the move to make a clean start.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 12:04 PM on Sep. 14, 2010

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