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My daughter is EXTREMELY shy!Help?!

My 3 yr old is extremely shy and I feel so bad about it. When she's home and whenever I am around she is a social butterfly but when I'm not there she is so shy she will not speak at all. My daughter has been at her preschool for about 4 months and has not said a word. A part of me feels guilty because 1. I am a single mom and the time she started preschool I just found a job and was not able to spend the day or morning with her to help her feel comfortable, I just dropped her off gave her kiss and had to go. 2. I feel guilty because I am shy and I feel like I passed that on to her .I never overcame my shyness feel like she might not if I do not come out of my shell. How can I help her be more comfortable? I try talking to her and tell her when can say hi and good morning to the teacher and tell her that its ok and she doesnt have to be scared. She loves to play and her shyness limits her interaction with others.


Asked by KayGia0704 at 2:11 PM on Sep. 14, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (21)
  • Dont worry about it.. We are who we are & cant change it.. Let her grow into the person she is going to be... We can give our child opportunities but only they can actually do it.. KWIM?
    In time she may open up and find a few friends to be social with..
    I am a very shy person & it takes me time to get use to new places and people.. I would caution to watch out for social anxiety though & maybe read if there is anything you can do to help (i have anxiety that keeps me from going & doing things by myself alot)

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 3:57 PM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • Shyness is something that can take time to outgrow. And it's not necessarily a horrible thing. I was extremely shy as well as a young child. The older I got, the easier it became to socialize. Now Im not shy at all. Don't feel guilty about passing on that trait. Being shy has it's good points too. She probably won't get into a lot of trouble at school for being a chatterbox. She'll likely be more cautious about who she befriends and how she lets others influence her. Reserved people also tend to be more introspective and creative as well.

    Why don't you try making friends with a mom who has a daughter in the same class? You can invite them over for a playdate one day. If she begins to slowly feel comfortable around one child at home, it may be easier for her to make other friends in the class.

    Answer by moniquinha at 2:34 PM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • There is nothing you can do. That is who she is. You can try to make her feel good about herself. Find something she's good at. Good luck! I am shy too.

    Answer by mompam at 2:14 PM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • my son does this too and we were both this way, we've gone over and above bringing him around kids and being social around him ourselves, I think its just sometimes in their genes, my son is the same when he is away from me - his provider tells me the wildest she sees him is when I come to pick him up- which is NOT my son when he's with me our my husband... I am not sure there will be a whole lot that can be done for her - some kids are over outgoing too which is not altogether the greatest gift either -

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:17 PM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • She'll grow out of it mama, No worries :)

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 3:16 PM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • She will grow out of it

    Answer by sstepph at 3:24 PM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • I agree, she will grow out of it.

    Answer by Candi1024 at 3:54 PM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • Good thing you have her in preschool. Discuss it with her teacher and ask her to help your child work on her social development. Help her learn how to join a group, teach her how to ask to play with another group of children, help her learn how to interact. Its a learning process and a teachable moment. Thats what the preschool teacher's job is. Its more important than learning their alphabet, writing their name, and knowing their numbers when they start kindergarten. Hope it gets better for you. Don't have guilty feelings about the first day, its better for the children than having a parent hanging around clinging to a child. They are less likely to step out of their comfort zone and become part of the class.

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 3:59 PM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • Does the prechool teacher seem concerned?

    I would not worry about this right now. She will come into her own momma! Promise!

    Answer by Radarma at 4:03 PM on Sep. 14, 2010

  • I agree w/Mompam. It's who she is. I was shy once. I out grew it 10 years ago when I went through a divorce. It was a time I knew I needed to speak up for myself. Now I'm in your face if I don't like something going on. Some out grow it and others, well,it's who they are. Don't be to worried about it. Just be there for her all you can be and love and support her. Your doing a good job Mom!

    Answer by lioness3e at 4:59 PM on Sep. 14, 2010