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Are you planning or ready to have to care for aging parents?

Its something we don't often think about or plan on. Mom and Dad have always been just fine and capable.

Scares me, personally, not only do I not have money for it, but I really don't wanna (just being honest). I'm spending my youth raising twin Autistic boys and when they finally leave the nest, I'm hoping to get some time for me and my DH while we're still young enough to enjoy it. I know it sounds selfish a bit, but I don't wanna finally have time for us when we're the elderly ones and can't do all the things we wanted.

 
Zoeyis

Asked by Zoeyis at 8:39 AM on Sep. 15, 2010 in Just for Fun

Level 31 (46,808 Credits)
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Answers (13)
  • true, shay..that's something i worry about everytime i cough or have heartburn, or my dh mentions his deceased-dad's pancreatic cancer and his own fears of the same. we have an 'only', and its a major concern...although, not just as an advanced-age situation, but any occurance of illness at our age (40s, technically, we're not elderly! lol!) causes me to think 'what will he do when we're old?'

    my parents have financially secured all advanced-age security/deaths/funerals/etc..we know physical things are already taken care of, but the intangibles are just as worrisome.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 9:36 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I am facing that possibility now. While my parents are by no means elderly, my stepdad has MS. Here lately, even walking has become more of a struggle for him. I know, if it gets to the point he can't walk, my Mom will not be able to care for him herself. So, me and my DH will be the only option.
    I am not looking forward to it, but I don't dread it either. We will deal with whatever happens. I figure, this man has been there for me since I was 2 years old. He walked me down the aisle when I got married, he sat by my bed when I was sick, the least I can do for him is to care for him when he can't care for himself.
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 8:45 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I love my mom; she's always been there for me. I will take her into my home if and when it comes to that, even though she does drive me crazy sometimes. BUT I cannot get to the level of wiping her butt. For that we'll need to get in-home nursing care.
    mischiefmaker34

    Answer by mischiefmaker34 at 9:03 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • we have faced that 'problem' for about 5yrs already. my mom had a stroke and my dad had severe blockage in his carotid artery, which required (if you choose) surgery...during the surgery, the possibility for a stroke came to fruition. they do still live in their house, which is good for them (who really wants to put their parents in a nursing/retirement home? you-in general-won't put your LOs in daycare, so this is no different.), but they are not capable of driving a car anymore. their activities are limited, as are their housekeeping abilities. plus, there is the constant fear of falling (its happened several times, because they just aren't steady on their feet); once they fall, the become disoriented or unable to get back up. i know it sounds crazy, but to get back up on their feet is just something that can't be done without help-and they are dead weight to pick up. neither one is heavy, unless they can't help you.
    cont.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 9:15 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • We are at the stage now where we are watching our parents age and die.  I lost my father 2 years ago and my dh lost his mother in April.    My mother is almost 77 and in relatively good health and so is my FIL who is 83 but I can't stop worrying about them.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 9:16 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • someone has to drive/stay-with them to every drs appt/church/outing, etc. some one has to do their grocery shopping, home repairs when needed. its like having more children, but they live in a different home than you do.
    we are three sisters who share this responsibility, and yes, it gets heavy and burdensome. but they are our parents...we are only doing for them, what they did for us all of our lives, just in a different capacity. albeit, necessary capacity. and if the roles were reversed, and they were physically able, they'd do it for us.
    love is an action.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 9:17 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • yeah dull..but think about kids who are the only child..how stressful do you think that could be on them? It would be a 24 hour job if your parents left you responsible for them
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:25 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • no..they should have planned for it..not you. Meaning set aside money for a care provider or retirement home ...i'm not gonna be wiping anyones butt
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:46 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • MY gramma is 80 and had Alzheimers and its like she's here but not here? She's physically alive but not my gramma anymore. She doesn't remember anything or anyone, repeats everything, and its sad. Its like she's already out of our lives without even being dead yet. Its really hard to explain.

    You get this feeling like you've already said goodbye to the gramma you knew your whole life and this person now is a stranger. I'm sorry, but I think when she passes, it'll be like that for me..."I've already had to say goodbye to Gramma years ago." So the hurt won't be as intense (I think).
    Zoeyis

    Comment by Zoeyis (original poster) at 9:21 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Already lost both of my parents.
    CometGirl

    Answer by CometGirl at 9:37 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

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