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am i overreacting to inlaws

My due date is September 30th. My InLaws plan on staying IN my home for TWO weeks starting October 10th. They want to stay in my new son's room. They want to come see the new baby (not a problem, I want to share their new grandchild with them) and help around the house. What bothers me is that they want to stay IN my home and not a hotel, they are 75 years old and not to be unkind but their hands and bodies don't work like they used to and I have seen my mother inlaw almost drop my 16 month old daughter while trying to hold her. They can't vacuum, do dishes, laundry or anything else that would be considered a help to me. I will have to hid in my bedroom everytime I want to breastfeed my new baby. This is really stressing me out that I will have this company so close after giving birth and having that wonderful hormonal drop that i remember cause me to cry for days with Rosie. Am i being unkind by being upset about this visit?


Asked by bekmae777 at 9:36 AM on Sep. 15, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (11)
  • Okay first I WOULD NOT hide in my bedroom to nurse my child. I would let them know that if they feel uncomfortable with it then THEY can hide. This is YOUR HOME and you are trying to learn to nurse a new child (every child is different so even if you nursed other children this will be a little different) and you should not feel uncomfortable in your own home. Second I would have your DH talk with them and let them know that you WILL NOT allow them to stay there that soon after the birth. Oh and even if DH doesn't agree and they end up staying there I would definitely NOT allow them to stay in the baby's room! That is ridiculous. What are you supposed to do in the middle of the night when the baby wants fed?

    Answer by aeneva at 10:45 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Talk to your DH and maybe he can convince them this isn't a good time right now.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 9:39 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • maybe just a little. after all, it's family and it's only 2 weeks. the 2 weeks will just fly by. but then again, this is coming from a woman who has never had a house visitor for any amount of time.

    Answer by keisha613 at 9:48 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I agree with Zoeyis! You need to speak to your DH. It's way too soon for visiters of any type!

    Answer by roselove7 at 9:44 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • U rnt. My bil came to live with us right after our dd was born. I breastfed as well and I hated that I had to hid when I fed her. And I the middle of night is she wasn't sleeping I had to stay in her room cuz bil slept on the couch. I would tell them they can't sleep in the new babys room, I think that's stupid

    Answer by jamiethornton26 at 9:45 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Ooooooh, I've so been there,done that. My ILs wanted to come and stay with us when DS was born and I went ballistic. I did not want anyone in the house and I was going to have all the help I needed (hubby was able to take time off of work and my mom brought meals over daily (even she wouldn't stay long because she recalled what it was like to have people over right after your newborn comes home). My ILs would have wanted me to cater to them and would not have offered much help at all. It took a lot of doing but hubby (after my persistant nagging and complaining) was able to convince them to come a month later AND stay at a hotel. Turned out just fine but it would have been a much different scenario if they had stuck to the original plans. WHEW!

    Answer by FootballMom85 at 9:46 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • It's your home. It's your experience. It's your choice. No, you do not have to let anyone stay in your home after you give birth. If you don't want them to then let them know that it's not going to be possible. That you mean no disrespect, but it'd just be more comfortable if you had your time to yourself after you gave birth. You have absolutely no obligation to allowing people to stay in your home for any reason. Especially if you don't want them to. It's your house.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:07 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I think you need to tell them that while you appreciate the fact they want to see the new baby you won't be feeling up to house guests. I would let them know that if they insist on visiting they will HAVE to stay at a hotel and visiting times will be limited due to you needing rest, bonding time and the new baby's feeding schedule. I hope you husband will see that you need your rest and this is not a good time for his parents to visit, and he will talk to them and make other arrangements (like visit for a few days --- later on).

    Answer by MizLee at 10:16 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Nope you're not. Talk with Dh and ask if they could stay later or a fews in hotel. Hopefully ur dh will come thur for ya and the inlaws will get a room.

    Answer by mekarevell at 10:37 AM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • unfortunantly the few time i tried to talk to my husband about this he has taken the route of defensive. He thinks I am atacking his mother outright and that i don't like her and why won't i except the help. So he is not going to be much help in this matter. My mother is so beside herself with stress over it also that she is making me feel more stressed, for pete sakes I just want to be able to give birth and come home to a quiet environment to enjoying being a mom to two kids, learning how my daily life will not happen and for my hubby and I to bond with these two precious gifts in our lives. I feel so very tired just thinking about it all. I will however take your advise Aeneva and NOT hide when nursing, if they are uncomfortable they can leave. The baby;s room will not be occupied by him yet, I have a bassinet right next to my bed so I don't have to go far for evening feedings.

    Comment by bekmae777 (original poster) at 2:09 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

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