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Reasons to Leave

I have never fully trusted him. Long story, but he insists I am just crazy/paranoid. Today I caught him in a bold-faced lie, nothing big or about another girl or anything, but I feel like I have proof now that he is untrustworthy. I feel like we've been "working on it" for most of our relationship- He will take advantage of me if I let him and he can be verbally abusive. We have nothing in common anymore and have completely different views on life, morals, values, goals, etc. Around others, I am happy, bubbly, excited about life in general. Around him, my happiness annoys him, he drags me down.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:57 PM on Oct. 17, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • He is everything I've known, depended and relied on for 7 years. I feel like I have no identity without him. We are on the verge of buying a house. We have a child together and we have custody of his child with another woman. I love his child like my own and would not get to see him again if we divorced. I am scared, I don't think I could make it on my own, physically or mentally. My family all said I was too young to marry and I don't want to prove them right. I do love him very much, despite everything. He has a personality disorder that is the cause of a lot of his flaws but we don't have money for him to go to counseling or get on medication, and I don't know if he would anyway. I don't believe in divorce.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:57 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • WOW! I am going through that same thing! This is ironic! Ive tried everything to. I mean I told him that I wanted to talk and nothing gets through to him. I dont know what to do either. I can only tell you what I have done. Just talk to him and if hes not willing then leave. I mean every relationship is different so that might work for you. Im sorry things are going rough, but it seems like when you marry a guy then they have control of you for the rest of your life. Thats what happened to me! Good luck sweetie
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • I know what your dealing with Except being married, But I do know. I'm getting ready to leave my Boyfriend of just over 2 years. It's difficult but He's not the right one for me, and it sounds like Your's isn't the right one for you either! It really is tough.
    HeatherM0529

    Answer by HeatherM0529 at 1:20 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • Do you not have insurance either? Sounds like counseling is a must here, if you truly want to work things out. Insurance will pay for marriage counseling. Also read this book, even if he won't read it with you, Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 1:28 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • the only way it will work is if he gets on meds. my ex was that way and he couldn't stay on meds. when he was off of them life was not very happy. try calling around to find out if any programs can help with the cost or free counseling. my marriage ended due to this problem but it can be worked out if he is willing to get help. you wont be happy until its done.
    hotmama541

    Answer by hotmama541 at 1:35 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • well if you love him still stick it out. that's what marriage is all about. sticking together for better or for worse. maybe one day you could afford to get him on meds. you could go to mexico once you found out what kind he needed.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 2:09 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • If you love him, as you say you do, then you'll have a lot of work to do, but you CAN make it work. A few things: Everybody lies. House is right on that one. So, just because you caught him in a lie, doesn't mean he is untrustworthy. You clearly have trust issues, and you'll need to work on that.
    Also, there are social programs that will allow him to get the help he needs without having to pay for it (or at least pay very little). Look into those. You took vows, the both of you, for better or worse...well now you're dealing with the "worse" part of that, and you need to at the very least give it a honest effort, with everything you have and everything you can get help with. You haven't done that yet, so I say you should stick it out and get the both of you into some programs to help. Your kids deserve that much from you, and your marriage does too.
    jespeach

    Answer by jespeach at 11:10 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

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