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How can I get them back together?

My parents have been married for about 28 years. they just adopted three girls last year. my mom did not want to do this, she has health issues, but my Dad really wanted to adopt so she went along with it. well these girls are 17, 13, and 10. they do not talk to my Mom. My mom is home all day by herself, the girls come home from school and do not talk to her. unless my dad says something to them. then they will talk to her. she is very upset and will be leaving my dad, my dad called me this morning and said he is picking the girls over my Mom. It really bothers me, that he is trowing his marriage away for these girls, I love the girls, I really do. But I have to wonder what else is going on? Please what can I do to help?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Sep. 15, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • i would advice going to a family counselor. These girls that were adopted might have some attachment issues and dont want to attach themselves to your mother. It would be good for your dad to see the whole picture from both sides. Its not fair for your mother to not feel wanted not only by the adopted girls but even more so by her husband.
    DelaneyD

    Answer by DelaneyD at 12:58 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Hmm..that sounds really weird to me that he would just up & say that he wants to adopt some kids.. and then choose to leave your mother.. I think they need to try counseling & if that doesn't work, maybe it just isn't meant to be. & some sense needs to be talked into those rude girls.. Your parents helped them out, there is no need to be hateful!
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 12:58 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • You can't change the situation for your parents. They're adults. The situation in itself is ridiculous, I can see that. Your parents are choosing to throw away a marriage over something they chose to do. Your mother did choose to do this, because she went along with it even when she didn't want to. That is a concious choice, and so she is to blame if the situation has made her unhappy. You cannot do anything to change the situation. Other then listen to their sides and give the best advice. However, in the end it is their choice.

    What makes me wonder is why the girls don't talk to your mom? Is it because she didn't want to adopt them? Either way, they are all old enough to come to a common ground on their own. They are all old enough to be civil to one another. If they can't manage to do that then that's their own fault.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 1:02 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I know you want to fix this for them, but you cant. They have to want to fix this. They have to commit to marriage AND family counseling. I feel for you on this one. It doesnt matter how old you are when your parents decide to divorce, it still hurts. Good luck to all of you. I hope it works out the way you want it to.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 1:08 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Why do you love these girls? They have only been around for a year. Your mother didn't want them. They are breaking up your parent's marriage. It takes prolonged contact to develop love. It would be natural to resent them and maybe even hate them for the way they treat your mom. It's ok to not love them.


    Your mother is miserable. It doesn't sound like the girls are leaving. Let your mom leave and start a new life. Be supportive for her. Divorce can be a good thing.


     

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 1:10 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • just be there for your mother, it seems like if something else is going on beside what they are saying, maybe u beingthere for her will help her open up.
    gabby06

    Answer by gabby06 at 1:12 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • And what do you think would happen to the girls if your dad chose your mom? And who are the girls to your dad that he'd adopt them? Are they his?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:30 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • apparently there is much more going on. I talked to my dad. We have to try and fix things, but it will be very hard, so we will see what happens. I love BOTH my parents very much and it is killing me to see this happen to them. I am 25 years old, but there is so much more, such as my Mom's health issues. I want to take care of her, but I know she would not move in with us, because we have our own family. I just want things to work out.
    lovingwifey

    Answer by lovingwifey at 2:19 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

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