Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Am I just beating a dead horse...?

We've been together 5 years and have a 2 year old boy and a 4 month old girl. We aren't married but have talked about it and have lived together since nearly the begining. We've been through alot and he has stuck by me and our kids and supports us with no complaint. Overall I don't really have a good reason to leave, but I'm just not happy. I just really feel like he's not the one for me. This is not the first time I've felt this way but everytime I give in to what I think is better for everyone else and give it my all to make things work. things will be okay for a while but eventually I end up feeling the same way again. I just really don't know what to do anymore...I don't want to hurt him or for my kids to have a split family but I don't know how much longer I can keep upthis cycle. I worry that these feelings might just be from me working myself up, except I always end up feeling the same. Help!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:25 PM on Sep. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • staying in a relationship that isn't making you happy will only hurt the one you are with and your children if you stay, but i'd try some counseling before you just throw it all away. It's something you really need to think about. You loved him enough to have 2 children with him and stayed for 5 years. Therapy might be the answer.

    Answer by mrsnikifrank at 1:29 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Talk to him about it. Thats your best bet. Do it in a nice way though. Not argumenative or anything like that. Maybe he is feeling the same way. Maybe you can both figure out what the problem is. The first 5 years is always tha hardest they say...


    Answer by tiger_tatted1 at 1:30 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • A lot of relationships go thru periods of ups/downs. Do you think you are in need of individual or couples counseling? It cant hurt. Maybe you got together too young & are starting to grow apart? Maybe you think you've settled & there may be someone better out there? Once you get past the honeymoon phase & settle in to the "meat" of the relationship, things can be dull. If you really want to make it work, you have to find a way to make things exciting from time to time. Good luck. You have some work ahead of you no matter what you decide.

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 1:32 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • If I'm understanding your question correctly, you say sometimes your happy and then your not. I wouldn't make any move until I was sure of my feelings. It could be your just bored, or if it is something he's doing, maybe counseling would help. Good luck hon, been there done that, I left and it was a big mistake..........


    Answer by zbee at 1:33 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Before you do anything that you may regret, you should sort through your feelings to see what's making you feel the way you. Weigh out your whole situation before you stay or leave...good luck...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:37 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I've thought about talking to him about everything but he is one who never likes to open up and is very set in his opinion...he is going to assume it has something to do with someone else or me wanting to party. That's not the case at all but we have had issues in the past wih things like that and trust and like I said, he refuses to see anything from anyone elses point of view. I still love and care for him but it's just not "that way" for me anymore.

    Answer by Babydaisydoll at 1:37 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • could it be hormones right now at all? you had your baby 4 months ago only.. if not, why would you think for a second to have another child with someone you aren't sure you even want to be with that forever?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I think before you make any kind of decision you should talk to him or if need be talk to a counsellor...It could just be one of those downs in the rollercoaster.. know what I mean? If you're still unhappy after completely evaluating your situation then perhaps you need to make a decision... Staying in a relationship where you're unhappy will make you miserable and will start to affect the ones around you.

    Answer by RigPrincess85 at 1:52 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I have experienced the same feelings. I thought at the time " he didn't make me happy and just wan't the one for me". For the first five years of marriage I had multiple affairs trying to find happiness. What I found was he grass only looks greener on the other side. Most importantly I learned happiness comes from within. It wasn't him I was unhappy with but, myself. Can you pinpoint those things he does/doesn't do or say that cause you to be unhappy? If not, ask yourself what would make you happy.

    Answer by wandasquestions at 1:59 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.