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3 Bumps

HELP WITH MY 13YR.OLD..acting like a 20 yr.old

My 13 yr. old seems to be from another planet these days. But it is becoming a serious problem,She has started hitting and kicking me,sneaking out,wearing WAY to much make-up (she uses her friends at school)cussing ...you name it! I am so at a loss as to how to handle her right now.She seems to have changed over night! Her father and I are seperated and he is of no help.For one thing she has always been "daddys girl and he has not been in the state or seen how dramatickly she has changed (oh and he hates me so, of course I must be a bad mother) I have tried grounding,taking away all privlages, talking to her.She always says she is sorry and she will do better but then goes right back into it.It seems to be getting worse every day and I know I need to stop this NOW,but I have NO ONE I can ask for advice anymore.I feel so damn alone in this and I could really use some feedback!

Answer Question
 
flowerchid72

Asked by flowerchid72 at 2:57 PM on Sep. 15, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 5 (83 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Has she been hanging around different kids right now? is the seperation recent? I would get her in counseling.. see what is going on - some of it is hormonal girl stuff but its not ok to hit kick and sneak out... I saw my mom go through this with my sister so I am feeling for you very much.. i wish you the best of luck..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:00 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Has she started hanging around a new group of kids? I would suggest some thaerapy for her maybe there is an underlying issue and cant talk to you about it. You need to nip this in the bud before something happens that you cant fix. Throw out the makeup if she cant use it appropriatley get rid of cell phone if she is sneaking out ( if she has one) at this age kids do need supervision. As a single mom are you gone alot working? At 14 I was pretty much left to raise myself due to my mom working jobs and having a love life. Make the punishment hard and long enough that she will think again about doing the bad behavior. Tough love is definatley needed at this point. I would also reccomend reading reviving ophelia. Good book about teen girls.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 3:05 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I don't have a teen, but I can relate some. My best friend at that age did the same thing, and we don't talk anymore. Though I am not suggesting that. It was frustrating as a friend, but I can only sympathize with you as a mother. Now, you may not like what I have to say, but have you tried calling the police when she hits you? If she thinks she is an adult-why not give her adult results. She hits you, kids you, that's assult. Now, I am pretty sure the police would just come out and talk with her, scare her a bit.The make up thing, you may be able to talk to her teachers, or guidance person? If you are really worried about, they may be able to help alittle. It may not be a bad idea for her to talk with them anyway since the seperation is obviously effecting her too and she is lashing out.For her swearing start a cuss jar. Anytime anyone in the house swears, have them put some money in. Best of luck, and I'll be praying for you
    candle5

    Answer by candle5 at 3:07 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • She is being very rebellious and she maybe hanging with kids that are older and maybe doing things that she shouldn't be doing. You do need to her in to see a prefessional and have her get this shit out on the table if she isn't gonna honest with you then she needs to know that there is some else in this world that she can spill her beans on. Is the break-up of her father and you recent? That maybe something else she could be blaming herself. I was a difficulty 13 yr also and i had a lot of shit building up inside so give her someone she can speak with the split up can be a big thing for and it may really be affecting her like you don't know.

    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 3:09 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I agree this has to stop now. It sounds like she is missing her farther and that could be one of the problems. As her mother to kick you and so on no way. I would sit her down and tell her by her actions this is hurting you very much. You have to stick with the same routine every time. What you say, is what you mean. You also instill in her you did not raise her this way and will not except this behavior. Most of all I would get her in to counseling asap!!! Mom stay strong you can do it. "HUGS"
    sta517

    Answer by sta517 at 3:13 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Right get counseling from her school MHMR, or your church before it is to late
    LoVe4Free

    Answer by LoVe4Free at 3:15 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Drug screen her so u know what u are dealing with. Don't tell her just get a kit from the drug store and follow the inst. Tell her if she won't do it you are calling the pobo to come get her since she has assaulted you and the courts can order it. GL. She is sneaking out and to me that is a red flag for possible drug abuse. You could also call her pedi, describe her behavior and request a visit and they can screen her.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 3:23 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Well, obviously she is going through something. But its no excuse to be hitting you.Can you possibly contact the guidance counselor at her school? Maybe he/she can start having sessions with her.Or get hold of your family doctor and have them refer you guys to a counselor. You can do individual counseling as well as family counseling for the two of you to do together.
    I would definitley ask her about possible substance abuse as well. If her behavior has changed dramatically and quickly, thats always a possibility even though we don't want to think about it.
    Good Luck.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 3:36 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • It would be great if you could get her dad to come visit and he could put aside his bad feelings toward you so you could work on a solution as parents.
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 4:08 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Was it recent that you and your husband separated? If she was a daddys girl and now daddy isn't in the picture anymore I can see where the problem is coming from. When I was that age I was having a rough time with friends. I developed depression and anxiety along the same time which caused me to spiral out of control. Please get her into counseling and to see a psychiatrist. My parents didn't take my problems seriously which resulted in many years of misery before I got my head straightened out. It would be good to find her a positive female role model. Sometimes it takes hearing it from someone other than mom for things to get through.
    FroggyFeet

    Answer by FroggyFeet at 10:24 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

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