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2 Bumps

How do I mend our marriage?

My husband and I are currently separated, we are talking divorce. I do NOT want to end our marriage, I think there are things we could do but he's not wanting to go to a counselor or anything. I just don't know how to deal with this and try to mend our marriage before a divorce does get filed. Please I need some advice.

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shsutterfield

Asked by shsutterfield at 4:19 PM on Sep. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (74 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • It has to be both of you wanting to mend it or it won't work. And if he's not willing to go to a counsilor, then he doesn't want it to work out and therefore it won't. I'm sorry to say this, but I have learned from experience. Sometimes it is the best thing thing that can happen (even if you don't want it to or don't think it is at the time). Sorry.
    Sarasmoonflower

    Answer by Sarasmoonflower at 4:22 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • If he isn't interested in going to a counselor, then there will be no fixing it. He either isn't interested in fixing it or doesn't believe that he is in any way part of the problem.

    It will take both of you to fix it. If only 1 is willing to work on it, it cannot be corrected.

    It may also be that he has already moved on. sorry but usually in these cases, they have already found a new partner or fling.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 4:22 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Even if he wont go w/ you- try going a few times w/out him. If the marriage can be saved, it will take effort from both of you. Can you try "dating" again? I know that sounds a bit crazy, but remember dating- no responsibilities- just fun times & focused on each other! Every marriage needs a bit of that! Good luck to you. I hope you get what you want.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 4:23 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Every person is different... I agree with mrsmom... try going just you first sometimes that can help you know where to go from there. Just cuz he doesn't want counseling doesn't mean he's just over it. It just means he doesn't want to have to go to counseling. Talk is the most important thing and counseling really can help if you guys aren't doing the talking you need to be doing. What do you both still want in life, in marriage, what is it that you guys are struggling with in each other, and why? those are the types of questions you need to ask, and see if your on the same page and if you're not that you can see what you can both do to try and get back on the same page. I think dating is a good idea too... some time away from responsiblilities and issues that are bringing you down to help you both remember why you're together!
    Mrs.KV

    Answer by Mrs.KV at 4:31 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • There is a book you might want to read "The divorce Remedy" by Michell Weiner Davis. She also has a few others that are helpful. I can't say yet that they are effective because I am in the same boat aas you. My husband however is willing to go to a counsolar when I am ready. He claims he wants a divorce but has yet to file for anything. I would recommend that you take a good long look at yourself before making any decisions. I have spent the last three month focusing on myself and my daughter. I have realized many things and have made improvements to my life. I don't know what will happen I don't want a divorce but I am prepared and have made many changes for the better. Good Luck!
    KyliesMom5

    Answer by KyliesMom5 at 4:36 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • If he is not willing, there is no mending possible. Sorry. But that's not YOUR fault... it's his very own.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:52 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • even if he doesn't want to got o counseling you can go by yourself... working on yourself is the first step anyway
    elizabiza

    Answer by elizabiza at 4:57 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Don't know if you want to consider this, but Dr. Phil's book Relationship Rescue is supposedly very good and there is a workbook that goes along with it. The couple does the work together. You could read it at least. Just one idea. Best wishes to you.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 5:14 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Although you want to reconcile and work the marriage out, it sounds as if your husband doesn't want to put in the work to make it work. As hard as it maybe, you have to face it...maybe with a seperation things will get better...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:31 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • There's only so much you can do. If he doesn't want to go with you to counseling, how are you planning on forcing him to go?
    Danaefm

    Answer by Danaefm at 7:59 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

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