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Did you ever go to a funeral and cry for someone else?

I went to my brothers FIL burial today. The man was 96 and lived a long, good, healthy life, we shd all be so luck. Well it came time to go up and say your good bye, and I was crying so hard for my deceased DD, I couldn't go up. I didn't want to be bawling harder than anyone else, and I hardly knew the man. I apologized to my SIL and brother who sd they understood. It was a very long hard service for me and my husband, who was starting to cry also, something he seldom does. Just wonding has anyone else done that? I felt so rude to my brother and his wife.

 
MyAngel003

Asked by MyAngel003 at 4:21 PM on Sep. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 26 (25,899 Credits)
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Answers (6)
  • what happened to you cannot be helped and doesn't need to be explained or forgiven. your brother knows what you've been through and of course a funeral would bring that back - i've experienced similar projection at funerals. there is a release there and it's okay. don't you worry about what anyone else thinks. it's not like emotions listen to reason and you were just honestly feeling your feelings. (hugs)
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 9:11 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I too have done that. I'll be at a funeral of someone I really didn't know very well and then start thinking about my mother whose been gone for over 20 years
    Carolannie

    Answer by Carolannie at 4:23 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • i wouldn't think it was rude. you obviously have some grieving left to do(who's to say when you're done? no one.), and this death/funeral brought all those emotions to the surface. its only natural.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 4:24 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I think what you and your husb expeienced is perfectly normal. I am sorry for your loss. I cant even imagine your grief!
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 4:25 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Funerals tend to remind us of other losses we have experienced. If you have had a personal loss that was/is very painful to you, being at a funeral for someone else can easily bring those feelings to the surface. There is nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about for showing pain over the loss of a loved one.

    Anyone who is going to be picky over exactly WHO you're grieving over would seem to be somewhat callous. As long as you are still showing your respect for the person whose funeral it is, go ahead and grieve all you need to, regardless even if another memory set it off! It's a good time to connect with those feelings and let them out.
    ahhmericanwoman

    Answer by ahhmericanwoman at 4:41 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Sometimes it not so much your pain your expressing but someone else's. I did the same thing when my husband's grandmother passed on. When we were told, I cried. He asked why and I told him it was saddened that not only had we lost a family member, but my daughter wouldn't get a chance to know her great grandmother. It was how I felt at the time, and still do.
    Danaefm

    Answer by Danaefm at 7:58 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

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