Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should I bring my kids with me when I leave my husband?

I and my spouse have been married for 10 years, and it's not working out well. We have two girls, 5 and 1. Everytime we had a big fight, I truly want a divorce, but I haven't made up my mind to leave because of the child custody issue. My spouse always shouted at me" Get out, nobody is trying to keep you here, who cares? But I am keeping these two daughters". So, my question is, if I take my daughters away, and to be honest, they are his daughters, too, does that offend any laws? can he sue me for that? ( if he take my daughters away with him, that will drive me crazy, too...). If I leave by myself, will that be the chips on his side when we fight for child custody in the future? it will look like that I am abandoning the kids.

Please help... Thanks!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:06 PM on Oct. 17, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • legally, as long as you two are married and their is no custody order, either of you are perfectly within your rights to take the children anywhere. however, it will not look good for either of you to steal away in the nite with the kids.
    what I would suggest is contacting a lawyer, and arranging a time to leave and go file emergency orders which will not only control the children's custody, but also things like bank accounts, the house, credit cards, etc.

    Answer by teri4lance at 3:09 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • If you want any type of say in custody during the divorce, take them with you! Don't EVER leave them behind. I went through this...I talked with the family court commissioner and had a temporary custody order drawn up. We split the custody until the divorce. He gets them on weekends and I get them during the week. Holidays are split also. If you are not happy in the marriage, the best thing for you and the kids is for you to leave. Only if you are sure that is what you want. Good Luck! I did this with three kids, ages 7, 5, 4.

    Answer by My3RaysofSun at 3:11 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • In the state of CO, if no one has custody through the courts there is nothing he can do if you take them but go through the courts...but it works the other way around too. I would consult a lawyer and file for custody. That is the best way so everyone knows their boundaries.

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 4:29 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • oh boy.. beeing that i just recently regained custody after 9 years i am begging you not to leave those girls behind no matter what he says... he is going to say all sorts of things to scare you but the botom line is that you have to fight to keep the girls with you at all times. The emotional breakdown, the financial burdon, the long term impact of loosing your kids to your ex is enormous. I have had custody for almost two years now and we are still working out the kinks...
    It will be difficult for you and the girls but there are plenty of support groups and single moms out there that can help. I made the biggest mistake in my life to let my ex convince me to "help" me...
    good luck and do not listen to a word he says...

    Answer by NoshnBasket at 5:08 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • when i left my ex i left my girls there with him b/c i was afraid that i couldnt do it alone .. well about 4 wks later i went and got my kids from him ... and no there isnt any laws that you will break by taking the kids from him if i were you dont do what i did TAKE THEM WITH YOU!! my poor girls had to witness me and him get in a fight and me jumping across the back seat of the car over the kids stopping him from taking them out telling my aunt to drive ... freaking them out to no end ... after i had them i went and filed an injucton on him and temp. custody for the kids

    Answer by puppet24 at 9:10 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • If you want custody on any level, you need to take them with you. Leave when he isn't home, so he doesn't try to physically prevent you from taking them, traumatizing them in the process. Then file for custody. If he is a good father to them, then you need to be reasonable about joint custody, but if he only wants them to hurt you, file for sole custody or at least primary custody.

    If you leave without taking them with you, no matter what your intentions are a good custody lawyer can make it look to the court like you abandoned them. Don't take the chance. Take them first, THEN work out the custody arrangement. If you have reason to believe he will flee with them, let the court know that, so they can make his visits supervised until he can prove himself.

    Answer by jespeach at 11:00 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • Thank you all for the answers! Now I have a clearer picture about what to do next.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
i am so hot!