Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do I get her to stop?!?!?!

My 10 year old daughter will NOT stop being mean to my older 13 year old daughter. 13 has tried standing up for herself, fighting back. EVERYTHING. I have tried EVERYTHING also!! Punishment. Grounding. Counseling. EVERYTHING!! Please help.

Answer Question

Asked by mom_for_twoo at 5:16 PM on Sep. 15, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • You have to find what she really values and will be "the thing" that stops her behavior. Does she have a cell phone, does she watch TV, does she have friends over to play or go to their house? How about taking everything out of her room except a mattress and she has to earn it all back, day by day, with good behavior? But first you need to find out WHY she is acting this way. Is she being bullied by kids at school and her sister unfortunately gets the frustratioon from her.

    Answer by ceallaigh at 5:22 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Two things come to mind. First, your 13 year old needs to ignore her and stop giving her the satisfaction of a response, stay away from her, send the 10 year old to a separate room, etc.. That seems to be what she is looking for. Second, you need to find out what is going on with her. Talk to her and find out what's going on that she feels the need to make someone else miserable. Misery loves company.
    Then try implementing a new rule. Home is a safe place, no being mean to each other. That's my rule. It's not iron clad and it certainly doesn't stop all the bickering and fighting. We should have room to disagree, it's different than being mean. I believe that the home should be a place where everyone can relax from the pressures of the outside world. We have plenty of people to be nasty to us, our home should be safe and comforting. Hope this helps.

    Answer by mellonhead at 5:46 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Make sure each girl is getting enough of your attention also. Sometimes they go for the negative attention if they do not get enough positive attention. try to think of things you can do individually with them plus together. Also, I saw on Super Nanny that a good thing to try is to play a board game as a family. Have teams and alternate who is on the teams so that the girls are together on a team once in awhile. It fosters cooperation. GL!!

    Answer by elizabr at 7:31 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • find out what the issue is 1st the try and solve it

    Answer by mekarevell at 1:24 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.