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How's the best way to handle your teenager when they get to the 'experimental' chapter?

I have a 17 year old daughter who is a good kid, makes good grades, has a good head on her shoulders, but I just found out that she has been 'trying' new things (everything) I don't want to forbid her because I know how that will end up but I don't condone the behavior either.... What do I do besides stress moderation and responsibility???

Answer Question
 
Stacie2261

Asked by Stacie2261 at 7:22 PM on Sep. 15, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I totally depends on what she is experimenting with. What is going on?
    twin_mommy

    Answer by twin_mommy at 7:32 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I would be understanding with the pull up the chair type attitude. Let her know that she can come to you with questions or if she needs to talk about it whenever. You love her and want only the best for her. You trust her to make the right choices for her life. I am not sure I would share that you have ever done it yourself...but let her know that you are the safest person she can turn to about any of it. Hopefully she will talk to you about it and then you can guide her in making better choices.???? Its so hard..I have a 17 yr old too...I hold my breath everyday.
    Momforhealth

    Answer by Momforhealth at 7:37 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Do some research together and discuss what the ramifications are for different behaviors. Have an open and frank conversation. Stress what your standards are and make it clear what you expect. Also let her know you will always be there for her and she can talk to you about anything at anytime. Have this conversation periodically. Then cross your fingers and hope for the best. Best wishes.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:40 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • thanks elizabr, I've done just that and we had an excellent conversation about everything. I had always felt that kids who came from happy homes didn't experiment with things but I've been told 99% of kids do. So maybe it doesn't mean that I'm a bad mother after all. At least she's talking to me about what goes on in her life.... That's a plus!
    Stacie2261

    Comment by Stacie2261 (original poster) at 7:47 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I just read your additional comment ........You are a fantastic mom! You can't be doing more than being open and discussing things with her. She will be so thankful when she is older (and might be right now!) What a special relationship you will alwyas have. They all experiment. It's part of growing up. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 6:40 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I think every teenager goes through that period in their teenage life, I did. But then I grew up.
    sstepph

    Answer by sstepph at 7:27 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I too am going through this with my 17 yo dd, also a good kid and student, honor society!! But I just told her that I will never give her "permission" to drink, or smoke but I know that she will. I know that she has in the past and it is not often. Does that help?? No. I think we have to be realistic, there are places she goes and I know that there is going to be beer or weed, She NEVER drives there or back herself or with anyone else. We have told her no matter were or what time, we will come get her. PERIOD. I told SOME of what I did at her age (not all!) so she would understand that I understand. I think the best thing we can go is talk to them about everything and let them know that we are always here. And keep our fingers crossed!
    wallmom1

    Answer by wallmom1 at 1:20 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I think like others have mentioned keeping the lines of communication open and letting her know you're always there. I went through something similar with my son (he's 16) and I'm sure there is more to come. All kids are going to experiment and we can't control them 24/7. Keeping the communication open is key. I've told my son that I understand everyone experiments, its how we learn. What makes someone different from the rest is when you take that lesson and make the right choice, not everyone can. Not every one can look at the long term consequences to their actions, addictions, wasted expenses, demise of character, etc. I can't be with him to make his choices, and there will be bad ones, and I've told him I feel he is strong enough to walk away from those. Teens no matter how great we parent are going to experiment its how they learn to individualize themselves its our job to be there openly before they fall
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:30 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I don't think it means your are a bad mom at all. You can only do so much as a parent. Hopefully it is just a phase, but I would get details of what she is experimenting with because some things are much more dangerous and potentially deadly than others. Good luck to you.
    cleanaturalady

    Answer by cleanaturalady at 9:16 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • I went through this with my daughter last year. It is very hard to draw the line between being a mother and someone they can come to talk about the things they are going through! When my daughter came to me about wanting to have sex with her boyfriend I told her that there were many things she had to consider before making the choice. I told her making the choice would involve new fellings , worries and stress! I talked about pregnency, sexually transmitted diseases, but most of all how abstience was the only way to prevent these things from happening! I told her that it was her choice ,her body and that even though I did not agree with it I would always be there if she needed me . Really all you can do is make sure your child is well infromed and pray that they make the right choices.
    3girlsnohair

    Answer by 3girlsnohair at 9:45 AM on Sep. 19, 2010

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