Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Any of you mommas out there just feel like your spouse doesn't want you to make something of yourself

I make tutu's and sell them online, and I am working on 200 tutus in 200 days to raise money for childrens hospital, and as of late I feel like my husband just doesn't care about what I am doing or support me at all... I am starting to feel alone in my marriage, and it's super important to me to make my business work and I have given up on everything I have ever started because of low self esteem from growing up in a broken home.

Answer Question

Asked by bairdjrnavywife at 7:52 PM on Sep. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I am so sorry you feel that way; your hubby should be proud of you and supporting you! Have you told him how you feel?

    Answer by aliceryannesmom at 7:53 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Men can be selfish creatures, and soemtimes they want us all to themselves. My husband was that way when I was going back to school after our first child. They want us to make something of ourselves...but it is usually their housewife. That works well for some women, but others find it demeaning. Do YOU...he will come around and respect you later for not giving up. My advice, though...make sure you are making time to be his wife and take care of him. Men need that.

    Answer by momof3josephs at 7:56 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • He wants to be your only focus. They are all that way.

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 7:59 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I have told him how I feel and he makes it seem like it's all in my head, Like even if I take a break from cleaning the house and watching the babies and paying attention to him, just if it's only for a half hour he seems annoyed with me and it makes me feel like I am a bad mom and wife because of it.... I know that might sound bad but I had our first daughter while he was deployed and injured my back trying to take care of a house and a new born... so I make my tutu's while I am doing my thearpy for my back. with a tens unit, and I thought he would be proud of the fact that I am bringing in a little money to help pay the bills...

    Comment by bairdjrnavywife (original poster) at 8:03 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • no i don't feel he does this. i think it's normal for them to act like they don't care. i don't think that they realize what they are doing. i mean i get all these ideas to make money and my husband never talks bad about them but he never cheers me on either. i do it anyway for self gratification. i know my husband wouldn't want me to fail. i just think my ideas are not that big and spectacular. sorry you feel this way.

    Answer by melody77 at 8:05 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • sorry you are feeling unsupported. you have an excellent goal and anyone who has ever had to figure out how to get self esteem will tell you that letting it depend on anyone but you is bound to have negative consequences. just know that you are following your heart and you are doing the best you can do and let that stand by itself. if you feel the need to express yourself to your husband, i recommend not asking him why or anything just saying you are disappointed that he is not more supportive of your individual goals and leave it at that. are you on etsy? my husband is supportive and hypercritical at the same time. however, after years of suffering based on worrying about the opinions of others i don't do that anymore and i realize the problem is him, not me, so although i feel the need to choke him sometimes i don't let him make me feel bad about myself.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 8:20 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • dismissing your feelings is a subtle form of emotional abuse. it is exactly designed to make you feel like the problem instead of being able to see the real one. however, learn to not pin your hopes based on the actions/reactions of others that are out of your control. unfortunately we don't all think alike and though it sounds logical to you, he may be thinking something completely opposite such as feeling like he is not doing enough that you with a disability feel like you have to pitch in... kwim? it could be just simple miscommunication / lack of communication (most things are i think). don't make assumptions based on his lack of support - deal with only the lack of support...

    Answer by figaro8895 at 8:23 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • He says it's all due to our restation and the stress of it all, but now he aknowledges how I feel and has agreed that he should be more supportive, thank you all for the advice

    Comment by bairdjrnavywife (original poster) at 8:43 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • You should talk to you DH. He should supportive and I think that its an awesome thing what you are doing

    Answer by noahsmommy12908 at 8:56 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • men are selfish. he's probably not supportive because like most men he expects you to take care of him,your kids,and everything else. they think that if you make time for self or try your hand at your own career that you will pay less attention to them. i think what you are doing is great. you should be proud of yourself. i know it's hard not to have a lot of support but you don't need a man's approval to know you are doing a good job. he should be proud.

    Answer by xavierlogan09 at 9:04 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.