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3 Bumps

Why cant i get over him?!

My husband and i were together for almost 10 yrs he left me when our baby was 3 months she's now 7... And I can't get over him... Why do I miss him? He broke my heart ... He chested on me he walked away when I needed him the most... And here I am feeling lonely wanting him here w us... How do you cope w having to see the father or your child all the time... How do you move on?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:11 PM on Sep. 15, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • WOW! Together for 10 years THEN he leaves you...When you have a precious 3 month old?!?!?!?

    Hes a COWARD! You need to get out there and date or something...

    You deserve BETTER!
    tiger_tatted1

    Answer by tiger_tatted1 at 9:13 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • need a counseling. Get involve with groups for single parents and discussion this issue.
    Get more of ME time for yourself.
    bmwlover

    Answer by bmwlover at 9:14 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I as myself that same question every day...I became very serious with a man after my son was born. He was everything my son's father wasn't and it seemed ideal...then 2 years into the relationship he cheated on me with a married woman. Since I kicked him out of my life I have not been with any one else. Each day seems to get easier and eventually I will heal (just as you will). We have to remember there is more important things in our lives and that is our children. My son is my joy and I would sacrifice much for him...here is a bump for you momma.
    Soteria79

    Answer by Soteria79 at 9:15 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • i'm so sorry to hear about what u are going through. he has hurt u so much, u should try to get counselling because u shouldn't want him anymore. he wasn't there for u or ur daughter when u needed him the most. u seem like a great loving person and u deserve someone who will treat you with respect and love you the way to deserve to be loved. but i definately understand that it must be very difficult to still have to see him. maybe you could have him pick up ur daughter from her grandparents house or something until you are able to move on?...............maybe get back on the dating scene. once u find a respectable and genuine guy you will realize just how much it is not worth it to even think about ur ex anymore..........good luck with everything :)
    fay101

    Answer by fay101 at 9:20 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • because sadly thats who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with and they ruined it and now you are wistful like i am that it could be good. mine whom i left two months ago drank too much and acted hateful when he did. we have a baby together too, six months now. he never stopped and i separated. yet now he is VERY seems remorseful i saw him at church and he says hes always there praying now and im the best thing hes always wanted and he will make himself a better man to get us back. who knows what will happen. sometimes whats the right thing to do feels awful fo rsome reason. sad. you wish they woudl wake up. and you never intended to have to search someone else out or let love find you. well i dont feel like i want love to find me because i thought it already did and i was duped. sigh i love him still for real. sigh. they were who we chose. YES they say we have other opportunities out there with men. wow....yay.
    silverelf

    Answer by silverelf at 9:25 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • This isn't about him. It's about you. Something is missing in your life and you think it's him. Nope. Find out what it is and fill that void. Don't sit around and feel the fantasy of him being your knight in shining armor. Be responsible for your own happiness. There is a book called How to Fall Out of Love that might help. The library might have it or you can find it cheap online. It's an old book but a good one. Also look up Relationship addiction. We sometimes get stuck on one guy who we thought was our soulmate but obviously they didn't feel the same or they would have stayed with us. Fill your life with good things and good people and he will slowly fade to the back of your mind. It may take longer bc of your dd but you can control your life, don't let thoughts of this loser control you and your heart, cutting off opportunities to someone else who might be right for you. Just make sure to get child support from him
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Get out and meet others, and have fun. I think you've built him up in your mind to be a lot better than he is.

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 9:36 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • It takes time
    noahsmommy12908

    Answer by noahsmommy12908 at 9:50 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • You are still thinking of you and him as part of a family, and that's really not what you are anymore. Yes, you are still parents, and as far as being parents, you are still family in that sense. However, in the relationship sense,  you aren't family anymore. You need to realize that, and force yourself to understand, that as far as anything outside your daughter, you don't have a relationship, and you never will. Start going out again, meet new people, and start moving on with your life. Otherwise, you are never going to get passed this, and he will always be a road block on you having a successful relationship with anyone. 

    Punky_1981

    Answer by Punky_1981 at 11:13 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • You have been carrying a torch for him for 7 years... you have put him on a pedistal and you need to take it down. Clearly the reality was not all that... he left you with a new baby and cheated. You need to have a big reality check with yourself about what kind of dirtbag he was and stop glamorizing the "what could have been".

    And get out there youself. He has been gone for YEARS. Get on a on-line dating site and get out there. You don't need to think you are going to meet the man of your dreams... but go on a few awkward few dates and get some amuzement out of it. You might meet some new friends and you will forget about the ex. Join a singles group or participate in "singles" activites. There are so many to choose from... pick something you are in to and there is probably a singles club that hikes, dances, church volunteers...ect.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 12:39 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

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