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how do i deal with a son that has basically removed himself from his family because his wife doesn't like us and he has to choose her or us.

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cardinal58

Asked by cardinal58 at 10:51 PM on Sep. 15, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 9 (336 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • Try to make up with the wife, see if you can build a relationship with her. Obviously she feel like you have offended her somehow. The man is supposed to choose his wife, just like I would choose my husband, even over my mother.
    momof3josephs

    Answer by momof3josephs at 10:56 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I know someone that is in this situation. Only I'm friends with the son. All I can say, is try to keep in touch with him. Even if it's just an email a couple of times a week, or a letter you send in the mail, though he may not get that. Maybe a phone call would be better. Either way, just try to keep in contact. Try to accept his wife as much as you can, because right now, she has him right where she wants him. You need to try to get back in his good graces, and move in from there. Don't talk bad about her, ask how she is doing when you finally do talk to him. She might not be what you had in mind for a wife, but he chose her because he loves her. You have to respect that, and it doesn't matter if you like her or not, she isn't going anywhere, until he decides it's over. Good luck. 

    Punky_1981

    Answer by Punky_1981 at 10:58 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • he doesnt have to choose anyone. she can sit her ugly butt at home while he visits you and the rest of the family. i hope he's giving her family the same royal treatment she's giving you. my mom doesn't get along with my dad's family, mainly because my grandmother doesnt like her. i guess cos she's white and granny is mexican. i dont know or care. the feud is older than me. my mom has no problem staying home when my dad has to go visit
    coralbeth

    Answer by coralbeth at 11:04 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • we have tried that. everything we do is turned into a negative thing. she always tries to find some fault with anything. even the best of intentions get miscontrued. She is not a very social person and does not like to be around people, but she won't allow him to bring over their son to visit us. It just breaks our heart because we just want to be a part of their life and they won't allow it.
    cardinal58

    Comment by cardinal58 (original poster) at 11:04 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Kiss that wife's butt....anything to calm the rebellious female.....she might have issues from childhood ~girls rebel when they don't feel powerful or supported
    surfcitymom

    Answer by surfcitymom at 11:05 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Hmmm, I am on the DIL's side of this situation here. You can't make your son do anything. If he chooses to not have you in his life then it is up to him. He is a grown man and is able to make decisions for himself. Do keep in mind that she is his WIFE. He chose her and loves her. She is his family first and foremost....
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 11:06 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Same thing happen with my uncle and my Nana she was heart broken her only son of 8 children (she must of not had cable tv) lol but years have gone by n now she visits FL at least once a year so just give it time
    KLUVZA

    Answer by KLUVZA at 11:11 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • this ones hard and unfortunatly frequently occurs, i have been the wife but the mother in law dislkied me...it bgan when we wanted her to keep our baby at our home so i could help my hubby outside fro a bit to get out of the house, we lived about fifteen min from her, my baby was breastfeeding and by the time i took her and tehn drove home i would have really no time to do anything before driving back to town to feed again she ate every hour and a half n we were not doing bottles of breastmilk yet, however this was a major insult to her as if i didnt trust her away form our home and i was insulted that she couldnt just come to our house so she could spend time with her only granddaughter out of six grandkids. we never did mesh things out sadly as this turned to other problems between us, my hubby always in the middle, sadly his mom passed away almost a year ago from cancer, hopefully u can both work towards healing this
    fairytale2mommy

    Answer by fairytale2mommy at 11:23 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • I would have thought you were my mom if it wasn't for a the mention of your grandson. My brother and his wife don't have children together and she only has a daughter. I don't know the background of your family. I know mine. My SIL has a history of alienating people. She went through 3 maids-of-honor in a year because they kept getting in to fights with her and quitting. She's been mad at me for years because I wouldn't buy nuts from a fundraiser her daughter was doing - my daughter, btw, is deathly allergic to nuts and I DID offer her cash in lieu of purchase. My brother does try to come alone to family things. We give him his space. We invite her. We don't expect her to accept though. She does what she can to get him to not come. Last week she tried to nag him out of coming to my daughter's birthday. In the end he came but left early because he had to help his wife care for her Dad and step-mom's cats. (cont)
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 11:31 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

  • Anyway, to the point, you can't force the issue. it's heartbreaking. It's sad that your son has decided he needs to make a choice between the family that birthed and raised him and the woman he tooks vows with. I disagree that he "chose her so he has to stick with her." The family he grew up in doesn't get washed out of his life just because he put on a wedding ring. Nor do I think we should always assume the wife is in the right. I can only imagine what my SIL says about us and what some folks chose to believe based on that. I get why some people take the wife's side in these sort of stories. I wonder, however, if you look at your children and are ready to forgo relationships with them in the future because someone they decided to marry decided you were a pain in the ass.

    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 11:38 PM on Sep. 15, 2010

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