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Help me out ladies

My hubby leaves home at 5 am to work, he comes back at 5 pm.. i stay home with our 8 months old daughter, when he gets home, i let rest for an hour or so. and then i get ready to go to the gym and he stays with the baby, when i come back from the gym, i feed the baby get her ready to sleep and then clean the kitchen.. he wathches tv and then go to bed. now today we had a huge fight.. i feel he should be doing more at home when he comes from work. isnt it a waste of time, he does nothing with his life, refuses to go gym.. doent wanna go out to the park with us, he just wants to sit and watch tv, when he comes home. he says am very insensitive and that i dont understand that he works hard for us. he is always very tired when he comes home from, we can barely talk because he would be dosing on the couch. is this normal. what do ur dh do after work?

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ashley387

Asked by ashley387 at 1:42 AM on Sep. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Level 8 (209 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Mine did the same, yet he was going to school. Him and I also had a huge blow-out over it because I felt he wasn't doing enough to help, especially since I was up every 2 hours with our newborn who is now 5 months old. I would clean, take care of her, cook, and not get a nap or time at the gym. I just now after 5 months got to the gym. He has gotten better but. I think it is good that you brought it up to him. You deserve to have more help, being a mother is hard work and he needs to understand and respect that. I know how you feel and I am sorry you have to be in that situation. I think as a mother, they hold us at a higher standard. We are pretty much expected to be a homemaker, take care of the kids, etc. Just keep talking to him about how you feel, ask him to hold her for a but while you get something done or the other way around. It should be about compromise. I hope this helps hun, you aren't alone!
    ZammiesMommy

    Answer by ZammiesMommy at 1:48 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • wait....He works 12 hour days, you stay home with your child, cares for the child while you have some alone time at the gym & you are bitching?! Sounds ungrateful to me. You expect him to come home from WORK only to have to WORK EVEN MORE?! Are you out of your mind? seriously, your reasoning is all kinds of messed up in my personal opinion. You should be thankful he works his ass off for you AND STILL COMES HOME TO GVE YOU A BREAK!
    stressedmomma13

    Answer by stressedmomma13 at 1:56 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I'm not hearing appreciation.

    I'm a fan of people, and I hate to see them struggling in isolation and feeling like there is some kind of competition in who is suffering more.

    You work really hard. I know how exhausting it is to take care of a child (2, in fact, while dh was away at sea for up to 9 months at a stretch). What you are doing is really important, both for your family and for the planet: we need more well-raised, well-loved children growing up today.

    Working and commuting for 12 hours a day is exhausting. Being 100% responsible for funding 3 human's lives can be overwhelming. Coming home to judgment, competition and disappointment isn't enough fun to stay engaged.

    I strongly recommend that you spend some time each day appreciating what it is you do, so you aren't looking at him expecting him to tell you your deal is worse than his. Then you'll radiate energy and attractiveness, and he'll like to join you.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:56 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • honestly, maybe if you did not bitch at him or nag him, he would actually WANT to spend time doing the things you want him to
    stressedmomma13

    Answer by stressedmomma13 at 1:57 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • oh Linda, how I wish that I could be as nice as you. I often come across as over bearing, BUt essentially we are saying the same thing.
    stressedmomma13

    Answer by stressedmomma13 at 1:58 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I don't get any alone time, except for maybe once a month, and maybe grocery shopping.
    Plus, it doesnt sound like he appreciates what you do. My DH and I did this, until we started thinking more about eachother than ourselves, which can be hard, LOL! Both of you need to try to think of hte other, want to help the other, then your help will come out of that love and giving. Maybe there's something else underlying? Another issue you may not be aware of that's bugging you or him, and manifesting in this way
    bamsmom2001

    Answer by bamsmom2001 at 2:01 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • i hear you al, great advise, am open to all your feedbacks both the positive and the ones that are a little hard to swallow. my question is, to all the sahm, he works 12 hours shift, i see that, but i work 24 hours shif! i havent had six hours sleep for the past 8 months, he sleeps the whoole night undisturbed, ok, somebody mentioned alone time?? the only alone time i have is after ten whe he is and the baby are sleeping. then during the day, i have cooking, cleaning, laundry, diaperchanges.. and the list go on. i think we women are so hard on ourselves. i feel so bad most of the time when i leave the baby with my husband to go to the gym just for two hours, he would complain and acts as if he did sooo much!! what about me?? before i had my baby, i was working, taking care of the house and working out four times a week.
    ashley387

    Comment by ashley387 (original poster) at 2:16 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • dude you are lucky to have that. I am 22 and about to have our fourth child(three pregnancies, one was twins and all with the same guy) and my husband does pretty much nothing. He works at a subway and complains about work so much, yet I remind him that hey he at least gets to clock out. Being a parent is a 24/7 gig and is especially difficult with a two year old a pair of 9 month old twins and expecting another one in December. But as for your situation lol, just talk to him calmly(or as calmly as you can at least lol) and ask him to please make room in his schedule for time for family. Even if it means you skipping the gym every once in a while to sit and watch a little TV or finding something you both like to do together. Sorry if my advice sucks lol, but at least things could be worse for you lol.
    Artemis B.

    Answer by Artemis B. at 2:36 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • Thanks artemis, but am so sorry u have to go through the same thing but far more worser since u have 3 kids and one to come... i feel so sad when one says i should consider myself lucky. why do we allow this to happen to us? who said that women are less humanbeings than men? why do we say" my hubby helps me with house work" does it mean the house work is only ur and he is just helping you/us? who decided that? i believ if two people live under the same roof, they are to share house work, child care equaly.. a woman coming from work and going direct to the couch,( while the man who has been at home) is busy taking care of the kids and cooking at the same time, is never heard of or is frowned upon.. but if the guy does this, well its ok, he works hard for the family, or u so lucky he "helps u with kids" and sadly enough this comments comes from non other but we WOMEN!!!
    ashley387

    Comment by ashley387 (original poster) at 3:00 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I've been a sahm for 22 years. I do understand how you feel, but I agree with Linda. He's gone 12 hrs, & then takes care of the baby for 2 hrs, that's 14 hrs of the day. I know what you mean about mom's working 24 hrs, & sometimes that's hard for the guys to understand, but that goes both ways. Imagine the responsibility of earning the paycheck to support 3 people. Knowing that they are entirely dependent on you to make the money to support them.

    You say he does nothing with his life, working is doing something with your life.

    I think you really need to find some other outlets a& support. I joined The M.O.M.'s Club when my kids were little, it helped me so much not to depend on my husband as my social outlet, or for help when I needed it. I met other mom's with kids the same age, there were play groups, mom's night out, babysitting and pre-school co-ops, couples nights, I'm still friends with some of those mom's today. GL
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:16 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

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