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How do I help my daughter feel better about her social situation?

My daughter is in 7th grade, member of the cross country and soccer teams, makes straight A's, but most importantly is a sweet girl who is kind to everyone. She is kind of quiet at times. During grade school, my daughter was not part of any clique or group eventhough the teachers said she was well liked , she befriended the girls that were not accepted into any clique. Then last year in 6th grade, she was on a soccer team with girls from a neighboring elementary school. She was accepted into their clique and was always invited to all of the activities of the group. Sixth grade was a breeze! Now, this year, the group dynamics have changed and the two friends who she was closest and who were her link to the group , often act like they don't even know her, when certain girls are around. They still talk with her, but she is not important to them now! This new group of girls even has a seating chart at the lunch table!

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lovetoteach1988

Asked by lovetoteach1988 at 3:50 AM on Sep. 16, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (38 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Middle school is full of social changes for kids. Sometimes it for the better, sometimes not. I've always talked to my kids about it, offered support, and encouragement. There is not much you can do and you never really find out why these girls do what they do. Sadly, this is perfectly normal. She'll make new friends. Trust me. Some of my older kids experienced that, but found new friends that ended up being their best friends all thru middle and high school.
    momsbreak5654

    Answer by momsbreak5654 at 5:32 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • Middle School is full of changes and drama. THings will get better for her, just tell her not to take it personally!
    sstepph

    Answer by sstepph at 6:41 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • Middle school is so full of drama and friend changes- this sounds totally normal
    as long as there isn't bullying going on there isn't much you can do
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 7:48 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • Aww, your poor DD! Middle school is a time of change; kids are entering puberty, and what's important to them one day isn't important the next. I went through something similar. My mom told me that my real friends would continue to be my friends, and to focus on them rather than chasing the fake friends. I know it's hard on her, but she should reach out (as she did in younger grades) to people outside of this old clique. She'll find her way.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:45 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • Middle school is the absolute worst for girls! I've just gotten my 2 girls through it and they each dealt with it differently. My oldest was very social, had a big group of popular friends, and pretty much ignored the rest of the kids. My 2nd has a small group of friends who are neither the "bad kids" nor the really popular ones but they all hang together. I think if they make it through middle school with one or two really good friends, they're lucky. Help her stay involved in activities and encourage her to invite one or two girls that she's friends with to do things together, movies, skating, etc. But mainly be there for her.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 10:52 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I don't have girls so I'm probably not the best person to give advice. If she likes sports I would suggest having her get involved again in sports, this will put her in touch with girls that have a sense of team unity (I would hope) and similar interests possibly - making new friends is probably important at this stage. I was awkward in school and didn't have many friends at all, I wasn't athletic, I was shy, I had a total of two friends in HS and then my parents moved us from CA to NE talk about a nightmare. I ended up with two friends in my new HS and to this day still talk to one of them every day.
    Encourage her to meet new people through different channels at school (sports, clubs) and invite them over for movies or sleep overs. I hope it gets better for her, I never had to deal with this kind of drama in school - but I didn't have any friends either.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:39 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • what happend to the girls that weren't apart of the clique? When your daughter found out she was popular, did she leave her "non-popular" friends? Sometimes, whether we know it or not, more goes on with young girls and the social scene than we really know......just because one girl is not a part of a "clique" does not mean she does not know the other girls who are...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:03 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • Tell her dont talk to the lil girls when they wanna be her buddies cause those are not her true friend. Tell her to chill and let friends come to her or she can try and make new ones on her own.
    mekarevell

    Answer by mekarevell at 9:08 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

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