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4 Bumps

im heartbroken...:(( why is it so hard to move on?!

my husband and I met 10yrs ago in college…I was 17…he was 21; he was my first everything, he cheated on me 3yrs ago…and we broke up I moved out and started my own life; he then came running after me telling me he ended the relationship he had started w that other woman and he could not live with out me …we got married a few months after that…our baby was born 7 1/2 months ago …he left me once again when she was barely 3 months old. I asked him to try for our family…our little girl needs the both of us…I needed his support more than ever w a newborn at home….he decided to move out, the night he did he came back knocking on my door at 2am telling me he was sorry…why does he play these mind games?! He cheated on me again…he left me when i needed him the most!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:27 AM on Sep. 16, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • sounds like he is not committed to being responsible

    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 10:33 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • You don't need him. That's the problem. When you think that you NEED him, it gives him the power to treat you how he wants because he's confidant you'll take him back when he's ready to come back. You have a newborn daughter. It will be difficult to be a single mom, but you can do it. You deserve to have someone in your life who will love you without conditions and without hesitation. Your daughter deserves to grow up and see a healthy, loving, functioning adult relationship so that she knows that she deserves more than the kind of man who will use her and leave her.

    Step up to the plate, demand better for yourself and for your daughter. It is tough, but it is these kinds of tests that make us who we are. Who are you going to be?
    zava_t

    Answer by zava_t at 10:35 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • It sounds like you need to have a serious talk with him and tell him you're not going to put up with that anymore, and how it makes you feel when he does that. While I agree that your daughter needs both of you, she doesn't need to grow up thinking that his behaivor is alright. If she thinks it's ok, she may end up in a similar situation later in her life because of his example. You don't want her to go through that pain, do u?
    DereksBabyMomma

    Answer by DereksBabyMomma at 10:37 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • My husband left twice, both before we were married. We have been married 5 years now with no issues. It is up to you what you want to do. I wish I would have chosen the other path and stayed single. There have been no problems in our relationship but I still have the resentment and it comes up once in awhile in our conversations. He is sorry and has apologized numerous times but I don't think I will ever forgive him. Both times he left, I was pregnant and he didn't come back until after the kids were born each time.
    ashisamom

    Answer by ashisamom at 10:39 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I know it's hard. I was in a similar gut-wrenching relationship all four years of college, and that was without the complications of being married and having a little one, which makes things infinitely harder. It sounds like you are the kind, forgiving type and he's a little bit selfish and has learned to walk all over you. In my opinion, he's not worth the grief, to you or your daughter. I think you can find someone better who cherishes your family and it's this assholes loss. It will be so, so hard, but I really think you should just walk away. Don't try to stop loving him, just recognize that you love yourself and your daughter more. Best of luck to you.
    SabrinaBean

    Answer by SabrinaBean at 10:39 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • Why does he do that? Because he can. He's been taught that it's ok to treat you that way - by you. By taking him back each time, you've taught him that his behavior is ok. He has no reason to behave better, no reason to behave differently. This is working for him. He can screw around when he wants and you will take him back. That's why.
    Gaccck

    Answer by Gaccck at 10:40 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I relate so much to you. My ex husband cheated on me right after I got pregnant with our oldest daughter. We never really worked through it, he left when I was 9 monhts pregnant. Then he came back, then he left again, then he came back, then he left and came back one more time and then he left and didn't come back and I found out I was pregnant right after he left the last time. I know he was sincere in wanting to try again, but it never lasted long enough to make a difference. It's so hard to decide enough is enough. I've been there and just a month ago we were talking about CS and he hinted at wanting to try again and I was surprised by how bad I wanted it. Be strong the one thing that kept me going is that I didn't want my girls to think it was okay to let someone treat them like that. And then after I got out of the situation a little bit I realized that if it's not okay for them it's not okay for me. Talk to him and CONT
    jillybean703

    Answer by jillybean703 at 10:48 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • CONT if he's wiling to really work on things and not leave when it gets hard, then as hard as it is to acknowledge you are better off without him. He can still be involved in your daughter's life if he so chooses, and you can find someone that makes you happy which you deserve. Good luck and stay strong.
    jillybean703

    Answer by jillybean703 at 10:50 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I gave a perfectly good, and informative, answer to this yesterday and now it's gone so that tells me you don't want help getting past this. When people tell you how you can help yourself get over this hump and you discard their sage advice it suggests to me that you merely want sympathy. I'm not intending to bash, I'm just making an observation. You can choose to move on or wallow in this self pity. That's your choice. Do you really want to teach your child that this is healthy, acceptable behavior? Teach your child coping skills so she won't be writing this same post 20 yrs from now. Show her how to emotionally survive a breakup by doing it yourself. Do it for her if not for yourself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • wonderful answers!

    sounds like he IS committed to being NOT responsible
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 11:14 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

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