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4 Bumps

Ex 's house is disgusting, I don't want DD over there with her room that nasty... What would you do? Should i help them clean it?

It is so bad that it's hard to even go into detail. I havent been there in a while, i usually drop off DD at the door. But, everyone was asleep early this morning & her dad said he'll leave the key so i can grab her out of bed. WELL...her bedroom was so disgusting that my jaw dropped. Her sister (dd's 1/2 sister) had food, dirty dishes, emtpy food wrappers & plates stashed behind her bed. The floor was completely covered in trash, clothes, old nasty toys. I mean, i have seen messy before but this went BEYOND messy to unsanitary & disgusting. So, i just started cleaning. I spent 1 & 1/2 hours cleaning her room & it STILL looks disgusting. I don't want DD over there until that house is more clean. I was thinking about returning tomorrow & cleaning the rest of it uncluding her nasty bathroom. BUT, my DH does not want me going to ex's house to clean. At this point i don't care. I just want her room clean. What would you do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Sep. 16, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (15)
  • Call CPS...that is not good and he can be made to clean or lose right to his kids.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 11:30 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • Tell him to clean it or he will not be getting his daughter. If he doesnt like that tell him you could always take him back to court about the health hazard he is living in.
    Misteh

    Answer by Misteh at 11:31 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • He yells at her for not cleaning her room, but it's so bad that i was having a hard time cleaning it. I know DD should pick up more, but how can i blame her for her messy room when the adults allow it to get that messy in the first place? It's so overwhelming, that you just don't know what to do first. He won't help her clean it either. I told him he needs to show her how & encourage her while he is doing it too. You cannot expect an 8 year old to clean something that nasty when they barely know how to clean in the first place! She cleans her room easily at my house, but her room never gets that bad at my house. It's an easy job for her over here. Over there, it's a nightmare & i can understand why she wuld pitch a fit about it. Nothing has a home there. The floor is everything's home. She has no clue where she is even supposed to put stuff.....
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:32 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • i guess id want a clean room for my kids as well, if u do plan on going back have ur dd help u, how old is she? also let ex know about this problem, point out food n trash, come on we all can get messy but thats just dirty.
    gabby06

    Answer by gabby06 at 11:32 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • If things don't change, I would call CPS on him. That is not acceptable. My dd is four and has to clean her own room every night before bed. It takes her maybe five minutes to make it "clean" by her standards. I let it go at that. It only has to be "perfect" when I want to vacuum in there.
    PhoenixFire

    Answer by PhoenixFire at 11:36 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • Unfortunately, there's actually not much you can do unless your ex agrees. You can't threaten him with not sending your daughter unless you don't have a written visitation agreement. You can threaten with court, and you can try to take him to court over it, but very often the court won't do anything about dirty places. I police officer I know went into a house that was so dirty the stench made him want to puke, the counters in the kitchen were dirty there was mold in the microwave.....two babies lived in that house, and I asked why they didn't take the babies, he said that it's not against the law to be a pig. I was shocked, I thought that would be considered neglect. Apparently, sometimes it is, but you can't count on it.

    I would try talking to the ex, in a nice way first, but then your only option is court (unless there's no custody agreement) however, court can be very expensive.

    Good Luck!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:38 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I have to agree with some of the ladies that this is probably out of your control. If you EX wants to live like a pig and allow his kids to do the same than that is up to him. You can talk to your daughter about it but it is hard to parent in both places. The courts won't do much about it if you bring it up to them. Sorry this situation can't be resolved as easy as it sounds.

    I would try talking to your ex too but that doesn't always help!

    Sorry this is difficult for you - maybe you need to just let this one go!! :(
    Skavswife

    Answer by Skavswife at 11:47 AM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • If it is unsanitary to the point of being a health issue, then you need to talk to him about it and let him know it is just unacceptable.

    If you have a court-ordered visitation schedule, then she needs to stay on it until changed by the court, and you need to just decide if it is unsanitary enough that it is worth going to court over and suspending his visitation until the situation is dealt with.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 12:13 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • It is not your place to clean his house and I agree with your DH that it is not appropriate.

    That said, I had a guy friend who after his divorce was a disgusting pig. His ex wife would come and clean for him because she didn't want her son there in a mess. She cleaned the kitchen, bath, and son's room once a week or every other week. I always thought it was weird. Of course it had to stop when he got a girl friend. The ex wife was remarried and I am sure her new husband didn't like it, but she didn't care.

    You should talk to your ex and see if he could at least keep the rotten food/trash cleaned up. Have an messy room is not a crime and this is no longer your man so you should be careful about forcing your standards onto someone else. If it bothers you that much, offer to pay for a maid for him.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 1:19 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • If food, dirty dishes, etc is on the floor in your child's room, can you imagine what creatures could be lurking in that house? It is unsanitary for a child to live like that..,..and there's no way in he** would I allow my child to be around filth like that, court ordered or not. We would be going back to court, with my evidence in my hand on how filthy that place is. If they allow the room to look like that, can you imagine what the kitchen must look like? Would I really want my child eating and living in a filthy home? NO!!! And that didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out!
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 2:22 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

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