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Only 15 months apart, should I hold the oldest back in school.

DS was born in Oct, the iffy point if they will let him start that year or hold him back till the next one.

My second will be born in Jan. Sure to start on a specific year.

Should I hold the second one back so that they can be in the same grade?

They'd both have a "buddy" on their first day and may be less tramatic.

Would it stunt him mentally?

Would they hate it when they got older?

Answer Question

Asked by Stuffed_Back_In at 8:45 PM on Oct. 17, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (6)
  • Your older one will always be bigger, taller, and more advanced. The younger one may hate that. He will also hit puberty before the younger one, discover girls sooner, get his driver's license, first job, first date long before the younger one. All of which will cause stress.

    My suggestion is to evaluate him during the year before he could start school. Is he ready? Do you think he can keep up (or even blow the other kids out of the water)? Then let him go. If not, then keep him back. But don't hold him back just to keep the other company. The older one may resent being the "at school baby-sitter" as the years go by and the younger one may resent needing a babysitter at school.

    Answer by kaycee14 at 8:54 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • As a twin I can tell you that they might not necessarily end up in the same grade even if you hold one of them back. My sister and I started Kindergarten together and she was never quite ready so she got sent back to preschool (we both started at 4). I was always a top student and she had a hard time - being together would have made it worse for her.

    Now that we are older she is a successful RN. Personally, I enjoyed having my space in school since we were always together and she got mom's attention. I had my teacher's attention.

    I would say send your older one to school only if you see that he is ready for it. Otherwise, hold him back and he will be more at ease (but for that reason, not to create a buddy system).

    Good luck either way you go.


    Answer by Avon_Calling at 8:57 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • Your oldest child will be targeted by the bullies for being held back. I know this first hand. I wasn't allowed to begin school when I was supposed to. When the problem was proven and resolved it was January and they said..just wait until the fall. It was always an issue that I was older by 13 months than my little brother yet we were in the same grade.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:02 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • my mom held me back to try and have my sister and I be in the same grade....BIG MISTAKE!! I hated that I was older than everyone. I was the first one to start my period in my class, wear a bra, and get pimples.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:07 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • I say don't hold him back just so they can have a buddy in class with them. If you feel like he needs to be held back for personal reasons, such as not ready, not completely where he needs to be academic wise, then yes, hold him back. But don't hold him back just so they can be in the same class together. My daughters are 5mo apart, one born in March the other in Aug. We have the option with the August baby to hold her back a year, but I don't see any reason to. She is just as prepared as the older one, so I'm sending them both on there way (sniff sniff) to prek next Sept.

    Answer by LizClara at 10:02 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • My children are 14 months apart. My daughter is in 2nd and my son is in 1st. They went to a 2 year preschool and they asked me if I wanted them in the same class, my answer was a resounding NO. Your children are going to be close and will always be close, but they need to be independant of each other, so my answer to your question is to not hold your child back, unless you feel that he is not ready. I work in a school and see twins and close siblings are NEVER in the same class, independance is a huge thing. Then they would be able to work on their own and develop friends apart, a great thing!!!!

    Answer by Tayandstevenmom at 1:28 PM on Oct. 18, 2008

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