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what would ou do if your dh

out of the blue without even talking to you said I am quitting my job ( great job and gets paid well) and youre a stay at home mom and he says he is going back to school to be a nurse. So you will have to go to work full time. To cover the bills ( the voc rehab from the army will be paying for his school) When you wanted to finish youre degree only one year left he didnt think you should just yet.. I feel blindsided like arent you supposed to discuss things when you are married. I dont feel like doing it all I guess I have resentment because when I was working full time in the army and was gone he carried on an online affair. I feel like leaving today!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Sep. 16, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • If I was going to stay, I'd refuse to go get a job to support this kind of thing, since he decided this without discussing it. If it looked like I would have to work anyway, I would leave him. If you have to work instead of staying home with the kids, it might as well be for yourself, not to support someone who obviously has little regard for you or the children. He could take online classes and let you finish your degree first. He should want the kids at home with a parent, instead of him getting to follow him dreams at any whim.
    bluemomma

    Answer by bluemomma at 12:45 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • You need to sit down and calmly discuss with him why you feel like he's being unfair. Don't be accusing, just say that you feel this is a rather serious decision for your family and he should be discussing with you, not just throwing down his decisions.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 1:54 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I would be shocked - this is the kind of thing you need to discuss with your spouse, not something you decide on your own. I would be very upset, and even resentful, he is changing your life without any consideration for you or your family. If you are only a year away from finishing school, why can't he wait and make the change then?
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 1:58 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I agree you need to sit down and talk about how you feel might even consider some counseling as it sounds like you have not healed from his affair.

    martat

    Answer by martat at 2:12 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I question how concerned he is for your feelings-
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 2:33 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I would be shocked. But usually when my dh brings it up he's already decided what he wants. And he's pretty difficult to dissuade. As far as your school, I think you should finish, even if he's in school. From my personal experience, don't put your wants and dreams on hold for anyone. All you end up with is resentment.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 2:46 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • Tell him to keep his job and take online classes
    jessesmama22

    Answer by jessesmama22 at 3:04 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I would be extremely upset. That's the kind of thing I would expect my DH to talk with me about before making any sort of decision. To just up and announce HE'S going to do all this and you HAVE to do all this as a result is extremely selfish and thoughtless.
    BaileynMe

    Answer by BaileynMe at 4:05 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • You 2 really need to sit down and discuss everything. I would be really upset if my SO did that
    noahsmommy12908

    Answer by noahsmommy12908 at 4:27 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

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