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What do you do...

when you don't have the strength to fight anymore...
when you don't have the tears to cry to show how you feel...
when you are at your lowest from the verbal abuse and criticism...
and when you feel so unwanted you feel invisible at times?
This is how I feel and don't know what to do. My hubby and I have no sex life to speek of, don't really have much to do with eachother other than taking care of our daughter. He calls me names, shows little affection and just acts tired of me. What would you do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:05 PM on Oct. 17, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Are you still in love? If there is any spark left, I would suggest counseling. I am Christian and do not believe in divorce... if I were you, I would pray a lot... seek counseling, because abuse in any form is not acceptable. Perhaps you should separate for a while, but don't see other people, and don't jump into divorce. Some distance might do you some good, he might see how much he really does care about you and begin to appreciate you more and treat you better. Good luck Sweetie!


    in love

    jluvskija

    Answer by jluvskija at 10:09 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • Divorce! You deserve to be happy with your daughter and if he doesn't appreciate you, then by all means let him go his own way! I feel very bad for you and I think you should do what is best for you and your daughter, especially when he doesn't care for you.
    sweetvietchic

    Answer by sweetvietchic at 10:11 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • I'm so sorry! That has be a very lonely feeling. I would talk to him and see if he realizes he's doing this to you. Then figure out if you are both willing to work at making things better. You have both be willing to work on it. If he doesn't think anything is wrong, then maybe counseling? If not then you need to do what is best for you. If you're not happy, your daughter will sense it. I hope everything works out for you.
    funmom09

    Answer by funmom09 at 10:13 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • I'm sorry your going through this...but I thought I was the only one going through it. There are a few things different for me, I guess.......OMG....I can't even type it down because even right now I am so pissed off. I'm sorry I'll have to get back to you on this....I don't want to type something out of anger because of him (my own husband). I do share your feelings though and later I'll come back....sorry.....:(
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • Leave.

    That is what I'd do. I care enough about myself and my kids not to expose any of us to that kind of abuse and toxic behavior. I would get some money together, take the kids, and leave. I'd tell him why I left, and let him decide if he wants to get help and change. If I even considered getting back with him, he'd have to go through therapy and prove that he is a different man who would know how to cherish his family.

    But that's me.
    jespeach

    Answer by jespeach at 10:37 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • I have been in your exact position. My opinion is it's time to move on. Start the next chapter of your life. Divorce is the absolute hardest thing, even when you are ready to go. I left 3 1/2 years ago and I will tell you it's the best thing I could have done. I don't "believe" in divorce either, but if you can ask yourself "have I done everything I can to help this marriage?" and can honestly answer YES, then it's time to GO. You have a life to start living. For me, I knew I was done when I had NOTHING more to discuss. I had no desire to fight anymore. I was finished. My Ex was a piece of SHIT. And now I am with a strong, wonderful man who treats me the way I should be treated. Now I'm living.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 10:49 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • jluvskija: I am Christian and do not believe in divorce.

    Just because you get a divorce doesn't mean you are any less a christian. I go to church every sunday and worship God faithfully and I am in my 2nd marriage and I am my husbands 2nd wife. I understand that the point you were trying to make was about seeking guidance and not rushing into anything, but please think before you stereotype. Divorce is a hard choice to make sometimes, but you have to do what you have to do in order to make a life for yourself and your child(ren).
    paralegalmommy

    Answer by paralegalmommy at 10:59 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • paralegalmommy... I in NO WAY said that divorce makes you less of a Christian. I was simply explaining why I was not telling her to get a divorce, like many others are. I am NOT stereotyping, I was telling the OP WHAT I WOULD DO if it were me... this is the question she asked. It sounds like you have some sensitivity issues on this topic- I hope you resolve them, but please refrain from attacking others for their beliefs in the process.
    jluvskija

    Answer by jluvskija at 11:03 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • paralegalmommy... I understand that this is a hard choice, btw. My husband and I went through a period like this is our relationship. It IS possible to overcome. I have been there, pretty much the exact situation the OP is describing. I understand that some people will not make the choices I made. But I know what worked for us, and when someone asks what I would do, and I have actually been in the situation, I'm going to tell her what I DID, because it worked! It might not work for her, but I'm still not going to suggest divorce, because I believe marriage is for life.
    jluvskija

    Answer by jluvskija at 11:09 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

  • I dont have a answer.i am going thru the same.except he wont marry me.he cancelled the wedding after five yrs together.So when you get the answer let me know.
    jennandkids08

    Answer by jennandkids08 at 11:09 PM on Oct. 17, 2008

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