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my fiances son is 17 and only when i say or ask something does he get an attitude what can i do?

anything i say or ask him to do all he does is give me an attitude from heck and it drives me insane because im not wanting a fight or anything but no matter what it is i do or say its always something bad and his father is no help. I would like to know how i can handle this without a fight with either of them.

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jamies_wifey

Asked by jamies_wifey at 5:46 PM on Sep. 16, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 3 (22 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Well if the father isn't going to step in and stop the attitude, there isn't much you can do.

    It sounds like the father is encouraging the bad behaviour and that is not good for your relationship. Since you are getting married, his son needs to respect his future wife. If he isn't going to push the issue, he doesn't care how his son treats you. That, to me, says a lot about his character.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 5:51 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • What, like chores and such? Why not sit with him and ask what he thinks is fair for him to help with and contribute to, and how often he should do it, etc. Negotiate something that works for both of you, set up a consequence for not doing it. If you pay his cell or something and he can't remember to help mow the lawn like he promised then maybe you don't remember to pay his cell phone. If you agree with A, B, and C for his responsibilities and A, B and C for results of doing or not doing them, then that is that. Don't bug or nag him, he is 17 and should be responsible for himself. If the phone gets shut off and he gripes don't argue just remind him this is what you agreed on. Ask him to think in terms of what he would expect or require of his son one day, but ask him to help set the terms so he it's not just coming from you, and then expect him to live up to them.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 5:52 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • See if you can get some alone time with him to hang out. Take him out to dinner, let him get to know you better. If he gets to know you better, away from his dad, maybe he'll grow to respect you. It's tough watching your parents marry another person, and maybe he resents you right now. If he gets to know you, that might go away. As it is, don't ask him to do anything for you, other than give you a chance. Give him time to come around. How long have you been with his dad?

    For chores, let his dad ask him to do things. You shouldn't be giving out duties like that. Not yet.

    Best wishes, I hope he comes around soon!
    kathria

    Answer by kathria at 6:16 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • Its his attitude. Have his dad ask him to do things.
    sstepph

    Answer by sstepph at 8:12 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • Step child situations are difficult ... especially if you are not use to having children at home that are @ the same age. Discipline should be handled by his dad ... you should focus on trying to establish a good "working" relationship with your stepson. That is to say that you want to be on friendly terms, remember you are moving in on what was previously his territory ... and his mom's territory; there's bound to be hard feelings misdirected at you. He may be a big strapping 17 year old young man, but in a lot of ways he is still a child and most likely has some hurt feelings over his mother no longer being with his dad (whatever the reasons might be). Any potential problems or conflicts should be discussed with his father ... if that fails, try working things out with him, he might surprise you. Treat him like the young adult he is, with respect ... give him room to not always be happy with you or your decisions. Good Luck
    phoenix1963

    Answer by phoenix1963 at 11:39 PM on Sep. 16, 2010

  • I agree with the above responses. You need to let his dad deal out what chores to do for now. Get to know him as a person in away that he is comfortable. Too many times step parents think that dealing chores and punishments is a good way to bond with their new step child. That is far from the truth.
    My step mom started watching rented movies with me that most teens of that day found funny. She let me know that she was just as nervous as I was about being a "step" anything. She was honest with me and let me know that we could take our time getting to know one another. I have a great step Mom.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 1:19 AM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • That is a tough one. You really probably need to have a real heart-to-heart talk with your fiance and straighten things out. That is his place to discipline his son.
    cleanaturalady

    Answer by cleanaturalady at 9:06 PM on Sep. 18, 2010

  • It is not your place to discipline his children and at 17, this boy is not a child anyway. He is nearly an adult. I would totally back off and just be his friend.
    kemclaughlin

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 8:33 PM on Sep. 19, 2010

  • I agree he's gonna keep doin this since his father not sayin anything. Talk with ur man and have him check him. I would just be nice to him when he's there cause he's not a kid and he may never like you.
    mekarevell

    Answer by mekarevell at 9:03 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

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