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5 Bumps

How can you get the system to work for you in child visitation and custody?

When you child has reached the age of three and the father had no interest before now because you tried everything to get him to be a part of the child's life, now all of of sudden he gets visitation after all this time and the child doesnt know him. Every visit has been a big joke. Why should the fathe be allowed to have visits when he feels the stepfather should continue to financially support the child and he shouldnt?

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Asked by sentfromheaven1 at 5:11 AM on Sep. 17, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 5 (59 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I am going to answer really quick now so I can answer later.

    Answer by treynlisa at 5:58 AM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Because it's his bio dad and even if he is a deadbeat lazy parent the kid is going to be better off the more he feels his dad tried to be part of his life, even if the dad doesn't deserve it.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 6:05 AM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • I guess he will know that his bio dad did 'try' to play a part in his life, even if he doesn't deserve it. Is he getting overnights now? I am in a prediciment where we haven't went to court yet but the dad wants over nights and our son is only 2 months old. I can't imagine a Judge allowing this but I still worry about it constantly.

    Answer by Ksadya at 6:27 AM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • How can you get the system to work for you in child visitation and custody?

    Fortunately, it is not supposed to work for you it is supposed to work for the child. The child has a father he deserves to know that father.


    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:07 AM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • our son is only 2 months old. I can't imagine a Judge allowing this but I still worry about it constantly.

    Why are you allowed to keep the child overnight but, not the father?


    Answer by matthewscandi at 8:08 AM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • In the cases that I know about (friends), the order for support is separate from the visitation order. Why isn't he paying any type of support?


    Answer by QuinnMae at 8:11 AM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • In my opinion he shouldn't. Unfortunately since you are remarried he doesn't have to pay child support but any father who is not abusive can have visitation so thats kinda a given in our system. What kind of visitation is he getting? Is it supervised? I'd go along with the court order for now but I would document everything and hope that he loses interest so you can go back to court and have the visitation changed or maybe even rights terminated.

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 9:53 AM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • I do not think judges or anybody who has never been through this understands how traumatizing it is on a child to start a visitation after not knowing the other parent. Parenting is a full-time responsibility not one you take on when and if you feel like it. I can not stand the reply I hear so much "that every father deserves to see their kid". I know it is hard to believe that not everyone has the best intentions when it comes to their kids, but guess what not all parent do. You will find some judges who understand and some that don't. If the father has not been in the child's life for 3 years why on Earth would you send them with a person who is a total stranger to them. Imagine how the child feels being sent with someone they don't know.
    As for the question about support, make the system work for you. Take him to court and get child support ordered if it is not. If it is have it enforced.

    Answer by treynlisa at 10:39 AM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • Regardless if you are remarried or not, HE IS RESPONSIBLE for his child. EVERY court will say he is. You should take him to court to get child support payments to help provide for the children. Be VERY CAREFUL how you present yourself in court. The courts today are much different than in the past and almost EVERY time, the courts rule AGAINST the parent who "appears" to want to alienate the other parent. If you are wanting to take away your ex's rights, keep him from seeing your children, show anger or hatrid or resentment toward the ex, the courts will not want to side with you. It does not matter how great a mom you are or how lousy a deadbeat father he is. Trust me when I tell you to stick only with the facts and not emotion. ie: Absent parent has not tried to see the kids since October 10, 2007. Make sure the court knows that you are willing and have repeatedly tried to get the absent parent involved in your kids' lives.

    Answer by carol2m2 at 5:31 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

  • To answer what I think is your real question... if he wants to coparent and is not intending to give up his parental rights he will need to pay child support by law. You have to file for it with the attorney general. If he has not paid child support up until now he will be expected to pay back child support for the past three years. You will need to go to the attorney general and you will have to wait for a hearing. It is free to do so. He doesn't get the option to not financially help with his child. Usually in situations where one parent has been absent for an extended period of time your lawyer can request what is called a stepping stone custody agreement where they slowly ease the child back into the parents life. It might start with visitation Wednesday night from 6-8 and Saturday afternoon then go up from there until eventually the father has split custody. Hope that helps.

    Answer by usbornebooksdh at 9:18 PM on Sep. 17, 2010

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