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SHOULD I CALL

OK I HAVE BEEN WITH MY HUSBAND FOR 15 YRS AND NEVER HAD TO WORRY ABOUT HIM AND ANOTHER WOMAN HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A GOOD MAN ALL HE DOES IS WORK AND COME HOME WELL LAST FEW MONTH'S HE TOLD ME HE HAS A FEW WOMAN HE IS FRIEND'S WITH AT HIS JOB I TOLD HIM NO FEMALE FRIENDS THESE FRIENDSCOME INTO HIS WORK SO I THINK NO BIGGIE I TRUST HIM ANYWAY WELL TONIGHT I COME HOME AFTER ME AND MY CHILD WENT TO THE STORE HE STAYED HOME I WENT TO CHECK THE CALLER ID ON THE PHONE CUZ HE IS BAD AT TELLING ME WHO CALLED !WELL I SAW A WOMANS NUMBER I DIDN'T KNOW SO I SAW THE NAME OF THE GIRL HE TOLD ME ABOUT HE SAYS SHE IS JUST A FRIEND HE HAS NEVER HAD A GIRL CALL OUR HOME NOW I WANT TO CALL THIS BI*** AND ASK WHY SHE CALLED MY HUSBAND ?? SO SHOULD I CALL HER AND IF SO WHAT DO I SAY SHE WORKS DOWN THE STREET FROM MY HUSBAND SO I COULD GO TO HER WORK I'M SO PISSED OFF ! WHY DOES HE TINK HE NEEDS A FEMALE FRIEND ? PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO !

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:59 AM on Oct. 18, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • My husband was a good husband and a great dad till my brother and his wife moved down the street from us. I didn't think anything of him going over there to help her with yard work and things b/c my brother was a truck driver and she needed help I always offered to take her places and help her out but it was always no. My husband and I had a fight one night he didn't come home until the next morning with hickys all over him and he had slept with her that night(while I was prgo ) He left me and I confronted her over the phone then she called the cops on me and said I threatned her. My husband and I finally worked things out and are back together but the trust thing he is regaining. I would tell your husband she calls again you will confront her and tell her to stop calling your house and your husband because it is your family and you will keep it together. Good Luck You ever need to talk write me! :)
    Beccah2

    Answer by Beccah2 at 4:47 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • Why are you so insecure as to think you should be telling your husband who he can be friends with? You said yourself he is a good man, he works and he comes home...so why the mistrust? When we marry someone, we are not taking ownership of them. A marriage is a partnership of two *individuals*, and neither has the right to dictate to the other who they can talk to or have a friendship with. You're his wife, not his keeper. What do you have to be pissed off about? Did you ask him why she called? Caller ID is not a new technology, I'm sure he knew about it, and yet he didn't erase the call from it. He doesn't seem to be hiding anything...he told you about his friends. Why are you not secure enough to allow him to be his own person??
    jespeach

    Answer by jespeach at 4:59 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • continued...
    I'm not seeing where he earned the distrust. People generally choose friends because they are compatible with them in some way, not because of their gender. She is a person as well as a female, maybe they have interests in common. What is so threatening about that, if you trust your man? I'm not trying to bash you here, but I just don't understand why so many women on here are so dang insecure. It must suck to live in a life where you have to be paranoid about your husband and worried about every conversation or acquaintance or friendship. I'm sorry for you, I truly am, that you can't just trust that he loves you and isn't looking to cheat. I would hate to feel that way about my husband.
    jespeach

    Answer by jespeach at 5:01 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING BUT I DON'T THINK I'M INSECURE IT'S JUST I KNOW HE WOULD NOT LET ME HAVE MALE FRIEND'S AND FOR HIM TO HAVE HER CALL OUR HOME I THINK IS WRONG ! HE HAS TOLD ME ABOUT HER BEFORE THEY WERE "FRIEND'S " THAT IT'S HARD FOR HER TO FIND A GOOD MAN AND I 'M NOT TRYING TO BRAG BUT HE IS VERY GOOD LOOKING I COULD NOT BE FRIENDS WITH A MAN WHO WAS MARRIED UNLESS I WAS FRIENDS WITH HIS WIFE ALSO ! I THINK SHE HAS MORE ON HER MIND !
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:14 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • I think it is rather strange..Either way lets take our focusback on the QUESTION jespeach. Call
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:53 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • So, I have to say that the one thing I didn't see you mention was whether or not you had asked your husband about it? Why not try talking to him about and asking him if he would be okay with another man calling your home? I know that my SO wouldn't want some random guy that I had never met calling me at our home? Seems a little odd to me. I am not insecure in any way shape or form. I love and trust my man, but why would he need to have "female" friends that call his home. I agree, we don't "own" our SO's, but there is a COMMITMENT that we make to be with them and only them. If you are feeling that he overstepped that then talk to him about it, COMMUNICATE!
    smilinghug

    Answer by smilinghug at 8:47 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • jespeach: I understand what you are saying, but in some way we do have "rights" to our SO, it's human nature it's the very thing behind being husband and wife technically. I mean look at the original purposes of marriage, it was to have "ownership" of your wife, she was your property. YES THANK GOD we have come a long way from that mentality, but why do we make vows to be with one person, to love, honor, cherish, obey, be true to? It's because we are claiming as are they that we BELONG to each other. Yes the trust thing comes into play, you should trust your spouse, she has trusted her spouse, and then her spouse goes and behaves questionably?
    smilinghug

    Answer by smilinghug at 8:50 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • I would confront my husband, ok maybe confront is a bad choice of words, I would ask him how he would feel if you had male friends, and calling the house? Tell him how it makes you feel. If he can't repsect that then in my opinion there is somthing else going on. No happy person would want to screw things up by having a "friend". I have a great husband too he never has time to breath he is always working on something. If he started having time for a girl -friend although I trust him 100% I would be suspicious.
    mothermayiam

    Answer by mothermayiam at 8:51 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • I mean come on think of it, married 15 years, and now all of a sudden he needs female friends outside of his wife?? Why hasn't wifey met them (speculation, but by the way you were talking it's that you haven't) marriage is a partnership, it's about sharing. Yes you are still your own person, but if you have nothing to hide why aren't the lived intertwined. Think about it, didn't you meet your hubbys friends before you were marriend? As did he met yours I am assuming, it's part of courting. Intertwining your lives? So should be after you get married, even more so. All in all, I am saying, first trust, communicate your feelings about this woman calling your house
    smilinghug

    Answer by smilinghug at 8:54 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

  • tell your husband how that makes you feel. Ask him why, let your temper cool down before you talk to him, commincation is far easier when tempers are out of the way. If through communication you find him defensive or feel that he is hiding something (intuition is a powerful tool), then I would call the lady myself and ask her why she was calling your home? Better yet, have her over for a barbeque. I love my man, but our friends are mutrual, he doesn't hand out with anyone who isn't into me, as I don't hang out with anyone who isn't into him, it's about respect. Also, we don't have friends that are the opposite sex, unless BOTH of us know them, and BOTH of us hang out together, not neccissarily at the same time, but we are MUTUAL friends.
    smilinghug

    Answer by smilinghug at 8:58 AM on Oct. 18, 2008

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